The deep love we feel for our Almighty Lord, Who created us from nothing, is a deep-rooted one consisting of a combination of several emotions. It contains a feeling of submission towards our Almighty Lord, a powerful feeling of trust in the infinite mercy of Allah, respect for His omniscience, and awe in the face of the beauties created by Him. There is also a faithfulness and devotion stemming from the knowledge that Allah is Lord of all. Someone who is aware of all these is bound to our Lord with a most joyous love. That love is true and pure. The love that believers feel for our Lord is described as follows in the Qur’an:
Some people set up equals to Allah, loving them as they should love Allah. But those who believe have greater love for Allah. If only you could see those who do wrong at the time when they see the punishment, and that truly all strength belongs to Allah, and that Allah is severe in punishment. (Surat al-Baqara,165)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
The Mindless Dating Game: Happiness or Heartbreak
Article taken From As-Sahwah.com
The article below deals with one of the major problems faced by the Muslim Youth today, in particular, those raised in the west. The author gives us an insight into the harsh reality of these “love relationships” that the western culture teaches our youth, coating them with sweet pictures of two hearts loving each other on first sight, and after little ups and downs, finally end up marrying each other and have a happy ending. Where as the reality is indeed far away from it as the sister brilliantly demonstrates.
Many unmarried people these days search for “love” in a series of premarital relationships, which far from yielding happiness, lead to nothing but spiritual degeneration, loss of self-respect, heartache and misery.
When the average girl reaches the age of ten or eleven, she - sometimes with the knowledge of her parents, sometimes without their knowledge - becomes engrossed in and obsessed with the teen romance novel: a blonde, blue-eyed girl, with a perfect size 10 figure, falls in love with the football hero of the school, a few complications on the way (nothing major, of course), but things end happily ever after. In these novels, girl and boy might hold hands, or there might even be a kiss, thrown in somewhere along the line.
By the time the impressionable reader of these novels reaches her teens, she is sick of these story lines... and is searching for more. And is most cases, “more” is usually available right there in her home, tucked away at the bottom of her mother’s cupboard, in the form of adult romance novels.
The holding hands, and the kissing has now made way for much more, as details of pre-marital passion, and the fulfilment thereof are graphically spelt out on these pages. The reader is told what the “perfect body” is supposed to look like, the notion that sexual intercourse before marriage is sweet and romantic seeps through these pages... the feelings of degradation, and the many possible consequences thereof are conveniently left out.
A fairy tale is a fairy tale, we tell ourselves, a book is a book...they have no implications on real life. Surely our daughters understand and accept this...
But we are deluding ourselves. These same “harmless” fairytales and books, have a detrimental effect on the thinking, lifestyles and attitudes of our children. The first “crush”/infatuation our daughters experience in relation to members of the opposite sex, is often linked to false perceptions about “dating,” perceptions to which a wide variety of factors contribute. And one of the main factors painting a sugar and candy image of pre-marital romances, are these shallow bits of reading material that our daughters are exposed to.
It is no strange co-incidence that girls grow up believing that a boyfriend is the key to happiness...after all they have barely started walking, when the stories of the poor ill-treated Cinderella, saved only by a dashing prince, and the beautiful Snow White woken up by a prince, and the doomed Rapunzel, saved from the tower by a dashing hero, are told to them.
When they read romance novels, this theory is further reinforced - for, in the classic teen romance novel, the girl without a boyfriend, or “sweet sixteen and never been kissed” is the poor laughing stock who doesn’t have a date to the prom. And on the pages of a typical adult romance novel, the heroine is always a successful, beautiful career woman, but, she feels, that "something” is lacking in her life... and that “something” is naturally a man.
It is improbable that the average teenager, would just read these books, and that there would be no impact on her mind. It is usually exactly the opposite: she wishes she was the person on the pages of the book, and transfers her fantasies to her real life. She might see someone at school, who is popular, and good-looking [i.e. the football hero], and so begins her first painful crush, which is accompanied of course, by sending him anonymous ‘Valentine’s Day' cards, or calling him and playing songs over the phone. Shaitaan has set his trap, and the temptation to sin heightens, and each time the temptation is given in to, the girl becomes more daring. By the time the boy asks her out, her nafs has gotten the better of her, and her head is so filled with the notions of how sweet holding hands before that first kiss must be, she cannot resist.
And so begins a “relationship.” But this has all the ingredients that a classic romance novel does not....for those candy-coated pages do not tell you about the heartbreak, the tears, the mood swings and the countless negative aspects that are the central to these relationships. Nor do not tell you about the degradation and the loss of self-respect with which people, especially women, emerge after these relationships.
For there is no peace, no tranquillity in such relationships. The daily cycle, the moods, everything about the individual is affected. There is a certain sort of darkness, a restlessness which fills the heart, and this restlessness affects the rest of the family too. For it is now that all the arguments with the parents start: “Why can’t I go out tonight? All my friends are going!”
And there are the mood swings and the fluctuating eating habits. If the phone doesn’t ring, then it’s a case of “I don’t feel like eating.” Then there is dishonesty... unable to tell her parents where she really wants to go, she makes the excuse of having to go to the library to study for tomorrow’s test.
The ending of each relationship is most often marked by a long periods of torture, in which the girl has to “get over” the boy. Everyday life becomes a misery...her marks drop, daily moods start to depend on the current state of her relationship with the boy and many girls, totally misled by Shaitaan, even make dua for a “reconciliation.” During this period the girl is ravaged by guilt, because deep down in her heart, she is aware that what she has done is haraam, and she also feels guilty about lying to her parents. If there was a physical aspect to her relationship, then these feelings of guilt are deeply accentuated and coupled with a total loss of self-respect.
In the worst possible scenario, which frequently happens, the girl, in an effort to improve her “self image,” may turn to various other habits such as smoking, clubbing, drinking and drugs, or she may embark on a series of flings just to make herself feel “special” again.
In short, the “relationships” so sweetly portrayed in romance novels, which speak only of chocolates, flowers and happiness, end right there: on the pages of the novel. In real life, such relationships lead to nothing but unhappiness and heartache. For how can there be any real happiness in a “love” inspired by Shaitaan? This type of “love,” far from being pure and sacred, falls into the category of fornication.
Regarding fornication, Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Qur’aan:
“The woman and man guilty of adultery of fornication, flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.” [Surah An-Nur: 2]
How can there be any long term happiness in a sin for which the punishment prescribed is so severe? However, while keeping in mind the above injunction, we should also not despair of the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala... for we cannot even comprehend the vastness of Allah's Mercy.
We need to realise and to tell ourselves that there is only temporary satisfaction of the nafs in a pre-marital relationship, and we need to terminate any such relationship which we might be involved in, and sincerely make taubah (repentance) to Allah. As difficult as it might be to end such relationships, once we realise and acknowledge to ourselves that the novels to which we are exposed to from such an early age are totally based on a kafir (disbelieving) way of life, which appears to be very appealing from the outside, but which bears no contentment and no real happiness, it will Insha'Allah, be easy to do so.
In addition to painting a rosy picture of dating, these books also create a very wrong concept of what the ideal partner should be like. It is obvious that since they are kafir publications, there is no stress on piety, good akhlaaq, honesty and all the other qualities people should be searching for in a potential marriage partner. Instead these books promote superficial thinking, with all their emphasis on good looks, perfect 10 figures, star football players, flashy cars, etc.
Parents should closely monitor the reading material which their children bring home and should teach their children about the beauty of nikaah (marriage). We should realise, that while it is natural to be embarrassed to discuss such aspects of Islam with them, it is infinitely better for them that we impart the correct knowledge of an Islamic way of life to them, than to allow them to acquire the totally wrong concept of love from books, television, movies, and their friends and environment.
It should be explained to each teenager that the pre-marital relationships, the engagements, etc to which we attach such a great deal of importance in this world have nothing but a negative bearing on our lives in the aakhirah (hereafter). It should be time and time again instilled into their minds that pre-marital relationships are a sin, while nikaah is an ibaadah (worship).
Allah Ta’ala has created men and women with natural desires, and He has created nikaah as an institution in which these desires maybe fulfilled. A nikaah in which both, husband and wife are striving to fulfill their obligations to Allah Ta’ala, such a nikaah will be filled with the mutual respect, love and inevitably, the contentment, which we hopelessly search for in pre-marital relationships. Within the sacred context of a nikaah, in which both parties are obedient to Allah Ta’ala, and adhere to His Commandments, there can be no room for the loss of respect, feelings of degradation, etc. which goes hand-in-hand with “going out” with or “dating” someone.
We should always bear in mind that should we die in the company of a boyfriend or a girlfriend or even a fiancé, we will be leaving this world having spent our last few moments of this life in the company of a non-Mahram, and perhaps in the commission of a sin against Allah and against ourselves.
The article below deals with one of the major problems faced by the Muslim Youth today, in particular, those raised in the west. The author gives us an insight into the harsh reality of these “love relationships” that the western culture teaches our youth, coating them with sweet pictures of two hearts loving each other on first sight, and after little ups and downs, finally end up marrying each other and have a happy ending. Where as the reality is indeed far away from it as the sister brilliantly demonstrates.
Many unmarried people these days search for “love” in a series of premarital relationships, which far from yielding happiness, lead to nothing but spiritual degeneration, loss of self-respect, heartache and misery.
When the average girl reaches the age of ten or eleven, she - sometimes with the knowledge of her parents, sometimes without their knowledge - becomes engrossed in and obsessed with the teen romance novel: a blonde, blue-eyed girl, with a perfect size 10 figure, falls in love with the football hero of the school, a few complications on the way (nothing major, of course), but things end happily ever after. In these novels, girl and boy might hold hands, or there might even be a kiss, thrown in somewhere along the line.
By the time the impressionable reader of these novels reaches her teens, she is sick of these story lines... and is searching for more. And is most cases, “more” is usually available right there in her home, tucked away at the bottom of her mother’s cupboard, in the form of adult romance novels.
The holding hands, and the kissing has now made way for much more, as details of pre-marital passion, and the fulfilment thereof are graphically spelt out on these pages. The reader is told what the “perfect body” is supposed to look like, the notion that sexual intercourse before marriage is sweet and romantic seeps through these pages... the feelings of degradation, and the many possible consequences thereof are conveniently left out.
A fairy tale is a fairy tale, we tell ourselves, a book is a book...they have no implications on real life. Surely our daughters understand and accept this...
But we are deluding ourselves. These same “harmless” fairytales and books, have a detrimental effect on the thinking, lifestyles and attitudes of our children. The first “crush”/infatuation our daughters experience in relation to members of the opposite sex, is often linked to false perceptions about “dating,” perceptions to which a wide variety of factors contribute. And one of the main factors painting a sugar and candy image of pre-marital romances, are these shallow bits of reading material that our daughters are exposed to.
It is no strange co-incidence that girls grow up believing that a boyfriend is the key to happiness...after all they have barely started walking, when the stories of the poor ill-treated Cinderella, saved only by a dashing prince, and the beautiful Snow White woken up by a prince, and the doomed Rapunzel, saved from the tower by a dashing hero, are told to them.
When they read romance novels, this theory is further reinforced - for, in the classic teen romance novel, the girl without a boyfriend, or “sweet sixteen and never been kissed” is the poor laughing stock who doesn’t have a date to the prom. And on the pages of a typical adult romance novel, the heroine is always a successful, beautiful career woman, but, she feels, that "something” is lacking in her life... and that “something” is naturally a man.
It is improbable that the average teenager, would just read these books, and that there would be no impact on her mind. It is usually exactly the opposite: she wishes she was the person on the pages of the book, and transfers her fantasies to her real life. She might see someone at school, who is popular, and good-looking [i.e. the football hero], and so begins her first painful crush, which is accompanied of course, by sending him anonymous ‘Valentine’s Day' cards, or calling him and playing songs over the phone. Shaitaan has set his trap, and the temptation to sin heightens, and each time the temptation is given in to, the girl becomes more daring. By the time the boy asks her out, her nafs has gotten the better of her, and her head is so filled with the notions of how sweet holding hands before that first kiss must be, she cannot resist.
And so begins a “relationship.” But this has all the ingredients that a classic romance novel does not....for those candy-coated pages do not tell you about the heartbreak, the tears, the mood swings and the countless negative aspects that are the central to these relationships. Nor do not tell you about the degradation and the loss of self-respect with which people, especially women, emerge after these relationships.
For there is no peace, no tranquillity in such relationships. The daily cycle, the moods, everything about the individual is affected. There is a certain sort of darkness, a restlessness which fills the heart, and this restlessness affects the rest of the family too. For it is now that all the arguments with the parents start: “Why can’t I go out tonight? All my friends are going!”
And there are the mood swings and the fluctuating eating habits. If the phone doesn’t ring, then it’s a case of “I don’t feel like eating.” Then there is dishonesty... unable to tell her parents where she really wants to go, she makes the excuse of having to go to the library to study for tomorrow’s test.
The ending of each relationship is most often marked by a long periods of torture, in which the girl has to “get over” the boy. Everyday life becomes a misery...her marks drop, daily moods start to depend on the current state of her relationship with the boy and many girls, totally misled by Shaitaan, even make dua for a “reconciliation.” During this period the girl is ravaged by guilt, because deep down in her heart, she is aware that what she has done is haraam, and she also feels guilty about lying to her parents. If there was a physical aspect to her relationship, then these feelings of guilt are deeply accentuated and coupled with a total loss of self-respect.
In the worst possible scenario, which frequently happens, the girl, in an effort to improve her “self image,” may turn to various other habits such as smoking, clubbing, drinking and drugs, or she may embark on a series of flings just to make herself feel “special” again.
In short, the “relationships” so sweetly portrayed in romance novels, which speak only of chocolates, flowers and happiness, end right there: on the pages of the novel. In real life, such relationships lead to nothing but unhappiness and heartache. For how can there be any real happiness in a “love” inspired by Shaitaan? This type of “love,” far from being pure and sacred, falls into the category of fornication.
Regarding fornication, Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Qur’aan:
“The woman and man guilty of adultery of fornication, flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.” [Surah An-Nur: 2]
How can there be any long term happiness in a sin for which the punishment prescribed is so severe? However, while keeping in mind the above injunction, we should also not despair of the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala... for we cannot even comprehend the vastness of Allah's Mercy.
We need to realise and to tell ourselves that there is only temporary satisfaction of the nafs in a pre-marital relationship, and we need to terminate any such relationship which we might be involved in, and sincerely make taubah (repentance) to Allah. As difficult as it might be to end such relationships, once we realise and acknowledge to ourselves that the novels to which we are exposed to from such an early age are totally based on a kafir (disbelieving) way of life, which appears to be very appealing from the outside, but which bears no contentment and no real happiness, it will Insha'Allah, be easy to do so.
In addition to painting a rosy picture of dating, these books also create a very wrong concept of what the ideal partner should be like. It is obvious that since they are kafir publications, there is no stress on piety, good akhlaaq, honesty and all the other qualities people should be searching for in a potential marriage partner. Instead these books promote superficial thinking, with all their emphasis on good looks, perfect 10 figures, star football players, flashy cars, etc.
Parents should closely monitor the reading material which their children bring home and should teach their children about the beauty of nikaah (marriage). We should realise, that while it is natural to be embarrassed to discuss such aspects of Islam with them, it is infinitely better for them that we impart the correct knowledge of an Islamic way of life to them, than to allow them to acquire the totally wrong concept of love from books, television, movies, and their friends and environment.
It should be explained to each teenager that the pre-marital relationships, the engagements, etc to which we attach such a great deal of importance in this world have nothing but a negative bearing on our lives in the aakhirah (hereafter). It should be time and time again instilled into their minds that pre-marital relationships are a sin, while nikaah is an ibaadah (worship).
Allah Ta’ala has created men and women with natural desires, and He has created nikaah as an institution in which these desires maybe fulfilled. A nikaah in which both, husband and wife are striving to fulfill their obligations to Allah Ta’ala, such a nikaah will be filled with the mutual respect, love and inevitably, the contentment, which we hopelessly search for in pre-marital relationships. Within the sacred context of a nikaah, in which both parties are obedient to Allah Ta’ala, and adhere to His Commandments, there can be no room for the loss of respect, feelings of degradation, etc. which goes hand-in-hand with “going out” with or “dating” someone.
We should always bear in mind that should we die in the company of a boyfriend or a girlfriend or even a fiancé, we will be leaving this world having spent our last few moments of this life in the company of a non-Mahram, and perhaps in the commission of a sin against Allah and against ourselves.
Worldly Things
(Wealth and Children)
"The love of desires has been made beautiful to people such as women, sons, piled up mounds of gold and silver, branded horses, cattle and farm land. Those are the provisions of this life and with Allah is the best place of return."
[Qur'an Al 'Imran: 14]
Allah created in us a love for the worldly things mentioned in the verse. The love for them and the pleasure we experience is from Allah and is the nature with which He created us. It is only becoming obsessed with them at the expense of remembrance and obedience of Allah, which is from Shaitaan. Thus, we must balance between these allowed pleasures, staying away from the haraam pleasures and maintaining our obedience to Allah and remembrance of Him in our lives. Allah said:
"Say: Who has forbidden the Allah's beautiful things, which he has brought forth for His slaves and the wholesome types of sustenance? Say: They are for those who believe in the life of this world, exclusively on the day of Qiyama. In this way, we explain the signs in detail for a people who know."
[Al-A'raaf: 32]
Allah created all of these items of pleasure and enjoyment "for His slaves". We know from other verses that the good things of Allah will be had by believers and by non-believers in this life, but Allah's statement the he brought these things forth "for His slaves" means that they are the ones mainly intended and they are the ones who rightfully enjoy the provision of Allah Most High. Furthermore, they will be the only ones to enjoy them in the hereafter where they will be rewarded with every kind of provision "of like nature" to what they enjoyed in this earth but infinitely better and perfect in every way. On the other hand, although the disbelievers will partake of these things in this life, they do not do so rightfully and will see none of it in the hereafter.
Even a believer can lose rightful ownership of worldly things in his physical possession through sin and disobedience as in the famous hadith about the traveller about which the Prophet said: "...his food was haraam, his drink was haraam, his mount was haraam...". Even those things in his possession at the moment were haraam to him because of his sin and forbidden transactions he was involved in.
Likewise, in the verses about interest, Allah first states the absolute lack of any benefit from the haraam by saying:
"Allah obliterates interest and compounds charity and Allah does not love those extreme in disbelief, extreme in sin."
[Al-Baqarah: 276]
After ordering us to repent from dealing in interest, cease all involvement in it and forgo any that may be "owed" to us under the haraam contracts, Allah informs us that if one fails to repent and do all of this, all of his wealth is no longer rightfully his:
"So, if you fail to do so, then be informed of war from Allah and His Prophet. If you repent, your base capital is yours. You will not oppress nor be oppressed."
[Al-Baqarah: 279]
We understand from Allah's statement: {If you repent, your base capital is yours.} that, absent this repentance, not only is the interest component haraam to you but so is all of your wealth including that not involved in interest transactions - until you repent and fulfill all of the requirements of repentance.
So, the things of this life are ni'ma (goodness) from Allah and, by putting in our nature love for them, Allah has granted us this pleasure. But it is important to remember that He also put them there as a test to see which of us can enjoy them but keep love of Allah and remembrance of Him above all and which of us will become obsessed with the worldly things and forgetful of Allah. Allah said:
"We have surely made all that is on the Earth a beatification of it that we may test which of you are best in deeds."
[Al-Kahf: 7]
Wealth, sons and all of the things that people compete in and love by nature are the beautification of this life. They will disappear and the only thing which will remain is our deeds. Allah said:
"Wealth and sons are the beautification of the life of this world and that which remains, the good deeds are better before Allah in reward and better in hope."
[Al-Kahf: 46]
Good deeds are the only thing we can take with us and which can help us in the hereafter. Worldly things will disappear and cannot - in themselves - help us before Allah. This does not mean that they are "opposites" or exclusive of each other. It is a common deviation to feel that all things "worldly" are opposite and cannot mix with all things "spiritual". The worldly things can be used to worship and obey Allah or they can make one forget Allah and be used to disobey Him. The Prophet said:
"Whoever has three daughters and is patient with them, feeds them, give them drink and clothes them in the best manner will find them to be a shield from the fire on the day of Qiyama." Narrated by Ahmed and it is sahih.
Shunning the world or all things "worldly" or the belief that "world" and "religion" are opposites and mutually exclusive is an innovation (bid'a) started by the Christians. After mentioning the prophethood of Isa (Peace be upon Him), Allah said:
"And we placed in the hearts of those who followed him compassion and mercy but asceticism was their innovation. We did not prescribe it for them other than seeking the pleasure of Allah but they did not take care of that as they should have. We gave those believed among them their reward but many of them were corrupt."
[Al-Hadeed: 27]
Wealth does not equal disobedience - it can be used for obedience or used in disobedience. A Muslim should enjoy the halaal which Allah gives him/her and use it in obedience. A Muslim should not even conceal it from others. The Prophet said: "Whoever has wealth should let its effects be seen." At-Tabarani and it is Sahih.
Wealth and children should be used as vehicles for worshipping Allah Most High - by raising good Muslim children, having money in order to pay Zakat or for extra spending in the path of Allah or to help others, etc. In this way, worldly things can increase our remembrance of Allah rather than distract us from it. Allah said:
"O you who believe, do not let your wealth or your children distract you from the remembrance of Allah.
As for those who do this, they are indeed the losers."
[Al-Munafiqoon: 9]
The love which Allah placed in our hearts for each other - and especially of a man for his wife necessitates an urge to obey their demands and to please them even if displeasing Allah Most High. In this context, Allah described dependents as enemies saying:
"O you who believe, surely among your wives and your children is an enemy to you, so beware of them. And, if you overlook, forbear and forgive, surely Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
[At-Taghaabun: 14]
An "enemy" is one who either intends harm or in some way poses a threat to one's well being. Wives and children may pose a threat, not because of any intention of harm on their part but because of some desires for things displeasing to Allah Most High and because of the love of the man for them and his desire to please them. The fist half of this verse may make a man think that he should be harsh with his wife and children in order to protect himself from this danger. The second half makes it clear that this is not the case and that he should be forgiving, forbearing and compassionate with them and hope for the same from Allah Most High.
This is why Allah established the hierarchy of the Muslim family: the father as amir who although he should consult his wife in many issues, has the final word whenever he chooses to use that option - as long as it is not disobedience to Allah. The children must obey both of their parents and show them the respect that Allah has ordered them to show. This is not just during childhood, but for their entire life. The Prophet said: "You and everything you own belong to your father."
Destruction of this hierarchy is one of the signs of Qiyama, which has been mentioned in various hadith. The Prophet mentioned among the signs that "a female slave will give birth to her master". This means that a female slave (of Allah) will give birth to a child do devoid of respect and disobedience for his/her parents that the child will be as the "master" of the mother who gave birth to them! The Prophet also mentioned the obedience of a husband to his wife as one of the signs of the end.
O Allah! Show us the truth as the truth and grant us the following of it
And show us falsehood as falsehood and grant us staying distant from it
"The love of desires has been made beautiful to people such as women, sons, piled up mounds of gold and silver, branded horses, cattle and farm land. Those are the provisions of this life and with Allah is the best place of return."
[Qur'an Al 'Imran: 14]
Allah created in us a love for the worldly things mentioned in the verse. The love for them and the pleasure we experience is from Allah and is the nature with which He created us. It is only becoming obsessed with them at the expense of remembrance and obedience of Allah, which is from Shaitaan. Thus, we must balance between these allowed pleasures, staying away from the haraam pleasures and maintaining our obedience to Allah and remembrance of Him in our lives. Allah said:
"Say: Who has forbidden the Allah's beautiful things, which he has brought forth for His slaves and the wholesome types of sustenance? Say: They are for those who believe in the life of this world, exclusively on the day of Qiyama. In this way, we explain the signs in detail for a people who know."
[Al-A'raaf: 32]
Allah created all of these items of pleasure and enjoyment "for His slaves". We know from other verses that the good things of Allah will be had by believers and by non-believers in this life, but Allah's statement the he brought these things forth "for His slaves" means that they are the ones mainly intended and they are the ones who rightfully enjoy the provision of Allah Most High. Furthermore, they will be the only ones to enjoy them in the hereafter where they will be rewarded with every kind of provision "of like nature" to what they enjoyed in this earth but infinitely better and perfect in every way. On the other hand, although the disbelievers will partake of these things in this life, they do not do so rightfully and will see none of it in the hereafter.
Even a believer can lose rightful ownership of worldly things in his physical possession through sin and disobedience as in the famous hadith about the traveller about which the Prophet said: "...his food was haraam, his drink was haraam, his mount was haraam...". Even those things in his possession at the moment were haraam to him because of his sin and forbidden transactions he was involved in.
Likewise, in the verses about interest, Allah first states the absolute lack of any benefit from the haraam by saying:
"Allah obliterates interest and compounds charity and Allah does not love those extreme in disbelief, extreme in sin."
[Al-Baqarah: 276]
After ordering us to repent from dealing in interest, cease all involvement in it and forgo any that may be "owed" to us under the haraam contracts, Allah informs us that if one fails to repent and do all of this, all of his wealth is no longer rightfully his:
"So, if you fail to do so, then be informed of war from Allah and His Prophet. If you repent, your base capital is yours. You will not oppress nor be oppressed."
[Al-Baqarah: 279]
We understand from Allah's statement: {If you repent, your base capital is yours.} that, absent this repentance, not only is the interest component haraam to you but so is all of your wealth including that not involved in interest transactions - until you repent and fulfill all of the requirements of repentance.
So, the things of this life are ni'ma (goodness) from Allah and, by putting in our nature love for them, Allah has granted us this pleasure. But it is important to remember that He also put them there as a test to see which of us can enjoy them but keep love of Allah and remembrance of Him above all and which of us will become obsessed with the worldly things and forgetful of Allah. Allah said:
"We have surely made all that is on the Earth a beatification of it that we may test which of you are best in deeds."
[Al-Kahf: 7]
Wealth, sons and all of the things that people compete in and love by nature are the beautification of this life. They will disappear and the only thing which will remain is our deeds. Allah said:
"Wealth and sons are the beautification of the life of this world and that which remains, the good deeds are better before Allah in reward and better in hope."
[Al-Kahf: 46]
Good deeds are the only thing we can take with us and which can help us in the hereafter. Worldly things will disappear and cannot - in themselves - help us before Allah. This does not mean that they are "opposites" or exclusive of each other. It is a common deviation to feel that all things "worldly" are opposite and cannot mix with all things "spiritual". The worldly things can be used to worship and obey Allah or they can make one forget Allah and be used to disobey Him. The Prophet said:
"Whoever has three daughters and is patient with them, feeds them, give them drink and clothes them in the best manner will find them to be a shield from the fire on the day of Qiyama." Narrated by Ahmed and it is sahih.
Shunning the world or all things "worldly" or the belief that "world" and "religion" are opposites and mutually exclusive is an innovation (bid'a) started by the Christians. After mentioning the prophethood of Isa (Peace be upon Him), Allah said:
"And we placed in the hearts of those who followed him compassion and mercy but asceticism was their innovation. We did not prescribe it for them other than seeking the pleasure of Allah but they did not take care of that as they should have. We gave those believed among them their reward but many of them were corrupt."
[Al-Hadeed: 27]
Wealth does not equal disobedience - it can be used for obedience or used in disobedience. A Muslim should enjoy the halaal which Allah gives him/her and use it in obedience. A Muslim should not even conceal it from others. The Prophet said: "Whoever has wealth should let its effects be seen." At-Tabarani and it is Sahih.
Wealth and children should be used as vehicles for worshipping Allah Most High - by raising good Muslim children, having money in order to pay Zakat or for extra spending in the path of Allah or to help others, etc. In this way, worldly things can increase our remembrance of Allah rather than distract us from it. Allah said:
"O you who believe, do not let your wealth or your children distract you from the remembrance of Allah.
As for those who do this, they are indeed the losers."
[Al-Munafiqoon: 9]
The love which Allah placed in our hearts for each other - and especially of a man for his wife necessitates an urge to obey their demands and to please them even if displeasing Allah Most High. In this context, Allah described dependents as enemies saying:
"O you who believe, surely among your wives and your children is an enemy to you, so beware of them. And, if you overlook, forbear and forgive, surely Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
[At-Taghaabun: 14]
An "enemy" is one who either intends harm or in some way poses a threat to one's well being. Wives and children may pose a threat, not because of any intention of harm on their part but because of some desires for things displeasing to Allah Most High and because of the love of the man for them and his desire to please them. The fist half of this verse may make a man think that he should be harsh with his wife and children in order to protect himself from this danger. The second half makes it clear that this is not the case and that he should be forgiving, forbearing and compassionate with them and hope for the same from Allah Most High.
This is why Allah established the hierarchy of the Muslim family: the father as amir who although he should consult his wife in many issues, has the final word whenever he chooses to use that option - as long as it is not disobedience to Allah. The children must obey both of their parents and show them the respect that Allah has ordered them to show. This is not just during childhood, but for their entire life. The Prophet said: "You and everything you own belong to your father."
Destruction of this hierarchy is one of the signs of Qiyama, which has been mentioned in various hadith. The Prophet mentioned among the signs that "a female slave will give birth to her master". This means that a female slave (of Allah) will give birth to a child do devoid of respect and disobedience for his/her parents that the child will be as the "master" of the mother who gave birth to them! The Prophet also mentioned the obedience of a husband to his wife as one of the signs of the end.
O Allah! Show us the truth as the truth and grant us the following of it
And show us falsehood as falsehood and grant us staying distant from it
The Rights of Children in Islam
By Sheikh Al-Uthaymeen
Let us first establish that children in accordance with the Islamic concept means both male and female. Some Islamic opponents accuse Islam of differentiating between male and female children claiming that Islam prefers boys over girls in terms of inheritance, 'Aqeeqa (slaughter of two lambs upon the birth of a male baby, and one lamb only for a baby girl) and other matters. In accordance with the true Islamic teaching, both male and female are alike in the sight of Allah, the Almighty. Each, however, is physically prepared and equipped to perform certain tasks and duties that are suitable to his/her nature. All, again are equal in religious duties, except for certain exceptions that are defined and illustrated by Allah, the Almighty, in the Glorious Quran, or declared and specified by Allah’s Apostle, PBUH. Only these differences are to be acknowledged and honored and only in accordance with Islam and its teachings.
Children, according to Islam, are entitled to various rights. The first and foremost of these rights is the right to be properly brought up, raised and educated. This means that children should be given suitable, sufficient, sound and adequate religious, ethical and moral guidance to last them for their entire lives. They should be engraved with true values, the meaning of right and wrong, true and false, correct and incorrect, appropriate and inappropriate and so forth and so on. Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur’an:
"O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones." (66:6)
Allah’s Apostle, PBUH also said: "Every one of you (people) is a shepherd. And every one is responsible for whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his own family, and he is responsible for them." This Hadith is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.
Children, therefore are a trust given to the parents. Parents will be responsible for this trust on the Day of Judgement. Parents are essentially responsible for the moral, ethical and the basic and essential religious teachings of their children.
If parents fulfill this responsibility, they will be free of the consequences on the Day of Judgement. The children will become better citizens and a pleasure to the eyes of their parents, first in this life, and in the hereafter.
Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Quran:
"And those who believe and whose families follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their families: Nor shall We deprive them (of the fruit) of aught of their works: (Yet) is each individual in pledge for his deeds." (52:21)
Moreover, Allah's Apostle, PBUH said: "Upon death, man's deeds will (definitely) stop except for three deeds, namely: a continuous charitable fund, endowment or goodwill; knowledge left for people to benefit from; and pious righteous and God-fearing child who continuously prays Allah, the Almighty, for the soul of his parents." This Hadith is reported by Muslim.
In fact, such a statement reflects the value of the proper upbringing of children. It has an everlasting effect, even after death.
Unfortunately, many parents from every walk of life, in every society, regardless of creed, origin, social and economical status, etc., have neglected this very important imposed right of their own children on them. Such individuals have indeed lost their children as a result of their own negligence. Such parents are so careless about the time their children spend with no benefit, the friends they associate with, the places they go to, etc. Such parents do not care, are totally indifferent about where their children go, when they come back and so forth and so on, causing the children to grow up without any responsible adult and without caring supervision. Such parents neglect even to instruct, direct or guide their children to the proper way of life, behaviour or even right attitudes towards others. Yet, you may find these parents are so careful about guarding their wealth. They are extremely concerned about their businesses, work and otherwise. They exert every possible effort to lead a very successful life in terms of materialistic gains, although all this wealth is not actually theirs. No one will take wealth to the grave.
Children are not only to be well-fed, well-groomed, properly dressed for the weather and for appearance, well-taken care of in terms of housing and utilities. It is more important to offer the child comparable care in terms of educational, religious training, and spiritual guidance. The heart of a child must be filled with faith. A child’s mind must be entertained with proper guidance, knowledge and wisdom. Clothes, food, housing, schooling are not, by any means, an indication of proper care of the child. Proper education and guidance is far more important to a child than this food, grooming and appearance.
One of the due rights of children upon their parents is their spending for their welfare and well-being moderately. Over-spending or negligence is not condoned, accepted or even tolerated in Islam. Such ways will have a negative effect on the child regardless of the social status. Men are urged not to be miserly to their children and households, who are their natural heirs in every religion and society. Why would one be miserly to those who are going to inherit his wealth? Children are entitled to such an important right. They are even permitted to take moderately from their parent's wealth to sustain themselves if the parent declines to give them proper funds for their living.
Children also have the right to be treated equally in terms of financial gifts. No one should be preferred over the others. All must be treated fairly and equally. None should be deprived his gift from the parents. Depriving, or banning the right of inheritance, or other financial gifts during the lifetime of the parents or the preference of a parent for one child over the other is considered according to Islam as an act of injustice. Injustice will definitely lead to an atmosphere of hatred, anger and dismay amongst the children in a household. In fact, such an act of injustice may, most likely, lead to animosity amongst the children, and consequently, this will affect the entire family environment. In certain cases a special child may show a tender care for his aging parent, for instance, causing the parent to grant such a child a special gift, or issue him the ownership of a house, a factory, a land, a farm, a car, or any other valuable items. Islam, however considers such a financial reward to such a caring, loving and perhaps obedient child, a wrong act. A caring child is entitled only to a reward from Allah, the Almighty. Although it is nice to grant such a child something in appreciation for his dedication and special efforts, this must not lead to an act of disobedience to Allah, the Almighty. It may be that the heart and feelings of such a loving and caring child may change, at one point in time, causing him to become a nasty and harmful child. By the same token, a nasty child may change, at any given time, as well, to become a very caring and kind child to the same parent. The hearts and feelings are, as we all know, in the hands of Allah, the Almighty, and can be turned in any direction at any given time and without any previous notice. This, indeed, is one of the reasons for preventing the act of financial preference of a child over another. On the other hand, there is also no assurance or guarantee that a caring child can handle the financial gift of his parent wisely.
It is narrated by Abu Bakr, RAA, who said that Allah's Apostle, PBUH, was approached by one of his companions, al-N'uman bin Basheer, who said: "O Prophet of Allah! I have granted a servant to one of my children (asking him to testify to that gift)." But Allah's PBUH asked him: "Did you grant the same to each and every child of yours?" When Allah's Apostle, PBUH was informed negatively about that, he said: "Fear Allah, the Almighty, and be fair and just to all your children. Seek the testimony of another person, other than me. I will not testify to an act of injustice." This Hadith is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim. Thus, Allah's Apostle, PBUH called such an act of preference of one child over the others an act of "injustice." Injustice is prohibited and forbidden in Islam.
But, if a parent granted one of his children financial help to fulfill a necessity, such as a medical treatment coverage, the cost of a marriage, the cost of initializing a business, etc., then such a grant would not be categorized an act of injustice and unfairness. Such a gift will fall under the right to spend in the essential needs of the children, which is a requirement that a parent must fulfill.
Islam sees that if parents fulfill their duties towards all their children in terms of providing them with necessary training, educational backing, moral, ethical and religious education, this will definitely lead to a more caring child, a better family atmosphere and a better social environment and awareness. On the other hand, any negligence in those parental duties can lead to the loss of a child or ill treatment of the parents at a later age.
Let us first establish that children in accordance with the Islamic concept means both male and female. Some Islamic opponents accuse Islam of differentiating between male and female children claiming that Islam prefers boys over girls in terms of inheritance, 'Aqeeqa (slaughter of two lambs upon the birth of a male baby, and one lamb only for a baby girl) and other matters. In accordance with the true Islamic teaching, both male and female are alike in the sight of Allah, the Almighty. Each, however, is physically prepared and equipped to perform certain tasks and duties that are suitable to his/her nature. All, again are equal in religious duties, except for certain exceptions that are defined and illustrated by Allah, the Almighty, in the Glorious Quran, or declared and specified by Allah’s Apostle, PBUH. Only these differences are to be acknowledged and honored and only in accordance with Islam and its teachings.
Children, according to Islam, are entitled to various rights. The first and foremost of these rights is the right to be properly brought up, raised and educated. This means that children should be given suitable, sufficient, sound and adequate religious, ethical and moral guidance to last them for their entire lives. They should be engraved with true values, the meaning of right and wrong, true and false, correct and incorrect, appropriate and inappropriate and so forth and so on. Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur’an:
"O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones." (66:6)
Allah’s Apostle, PBUH also said: "Every one of you (people) is a shepherd. And every one is responsible for whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his own family, and he is responsible for them." This Hadith is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.
Children, therefore are a trust given to the parents. Parents will be responsible for this trust on the Day of Judgement. Parents are essentially responsible for the moral, ethical and the basic and essential religious teachings of their children.
If parents fulfill this responsibility, they will be free of the consequences on the Day of Judgement. The children will become better citizens and a pleasure to the eyes of their parents, first in this life, and in the hereafter.
Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Quran:
"And those who believe and whose families follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their families: Nor shall We deprive them (of the fruit) of aught of their works: (Yet) is each individual in pledge for his deeds." (52:21)
Moreover, Allah's Apostle, PBUH said: "Upon death, man's deeds will (definitely) stop except for three deeds, namely: a continuous charitable fund, endowment or goodwill; knowledge left for people to benefit from; and pious righteous and God-fearing child who continuously prays Allah, the Almighty, for the soul of his parents." This Hadith is reported by Muslim.
In fact, such a statement reflects the value of the proper upbringing of children. It has an everlasting effect, even after death.
Unfortunately, many parents from every walk of life, in every society, regardless of creed, origin, social and economical status, etc., have neglected this very important imposed right of their own children on them. Such individuals have indeed lost their children as a result of their own negligence. Such parents are so careless about the time their children spend with no benefit, the friends they associate with, the places they go to, etc. Such parents do not care, are totally indifferent about where their children go, when they come back and so forth and so on, causing the children to grow up without any responsible adult and without caring supervision. Such parents neglect even to instruct, direct or guide their children to the proper way of life, behaviour or even right attitudes towards others. Yet, you may find these parents are so careful about guarding their wealth. They are extremely concerned about their businesses, work and otherwise. They exert every possible effort to lead a very successful life in terms of materialistic gains, although all this wealth is not actually theirs. No one will take wealth to the grave.
Children are not only to be well-fed, well-groomed, properly dressed for the weather and for appearance, well-taken care of in terms of housing and utilities. It is more important to offer the child comparable care in terms of educational, religious training, and spiritual guidance. The heart of a child must be filled with faith. A child’s mind must be entertained with proper guidance, knowledge and wisdom. Clothes, food, housing, schooling are not, by any means, an indication of proper care of the child. Proper education and guidance is far more important to a child than this food, grooming and appearance.
One of the due rights of children upon their parents is their spending for their welfare and well-being moderately. Over-spending or negligence is not condoned, accepted or even tolerated in Islam. Such ways will have a negative effect on the child regardless of the social status. Men are urged not to be miserly to their children and households, who are their natural heirs in every religion and society. Why would one be miserly to those who are going to inherit his wealth? Children are entitled to such an important right. They are even permitted to take moderately from their parent's wealth to sustain themselves if the parent declines to give them proper funds for their living.
Children also have the right to be treated equally in terms of financial gifts. No one should be preferred over the others. All must be treated fairly and equally. None should be deprived his gift from the parents. Depriving, or banning the right of inheritance, or other financial gifts during the lifetime of the parents or the preference of a parent for one child over the other is considered according to Islam as an act of injustice. Injustice will definitely lead to an atmosphere of hatred, anger and dismay amongst the children in a household. In fact, such an act of injustice may, most likely, lead to animosity amongst the children, and consequently, this will affect the entire family environment. In certain cases a special child may show a tender care for his aging parent, for instance, causing the parent to grant such a child a special gift, or issue him the ownership of a house, a factory, a land, a farm, a car, or any other valuable items. Islam, however considers such a financial reward to such a caring, loving and perhaps obedient child, a wrong act. A caring child is entitled only to a reward from Allah, the Almighty. Although it is nice to grant such a child something in appreciation for his dedication and special efforts, this must not lead to an act of disobedience to Allah, the Almighty. It may be that the heart and feelings of such a loving and caring child may change, at one point in time, causing him to become a nasty and harmful child. By the same token, a nasty child may change, at any given time, as well, to become a very caring and kind child to the same parent. The hearts and feelings are, as we all know, in the hands of Allah, the Almighty, and can be turned in any direction at any given time and without any previous notice. This, indeed, is one of the reasons for preventing the act of financial preference of a child over another. On the other hand, there is also no assurance or guarantee that a caring child can handle the financial gift of his parent wisely.
It is narrated by Abu Bakr, RAA, who said that Allah's Apostle, PBUH, was approached by one of his companions, al-N'uman bin Basheer, who said: "O Prophet of Allah! I have granted a servant to one of my children (asking him to testify to that gift)." But Allah's PBUH asked him: "Did you grant the same to each and every child of yours?" When Allah's Apostle, PBUH was informed negatively about that, he said: "Fear Allah, the Almighty, and be fair and just to all your children. Seek the testimony of another person, other than me. I will not testify to an act of injustice." This Hadith is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim. Thus, Allah's Apostle, PBUH called such an act of preference of one child over the others an act of "injustice." Injustice is prohibited and forbidden in Islam.
But, if a parent granted one of his children financial help to fulfill a necessity, such as a medical treatment coverage, the cost of a marriage, the cost of initializing a business, etc., then such a grant would not be categorized an act of injustice and unfairness. Such a gift will fall under the right to spend in the essential needs of the children, which is a requirement that a parent must fulfill.
Islam sees that if parents fulfill their duties towards all their children in terms of providing them with necessary training, educational backing, moral, ethical and religious education, this will definitely lead to a more caring child, a better family atmosphere and a better social environment and awareness. On the other hand, any negligence in those parental duties can lead to the loss of a child or ill treatment of the parents at a later age.
The Rights of the New Born Baby in Islam
In all communities around the world the birth of a child is considered a blessing and ceremonies are held to celebrate this event. Besides being a natural expression of joy, it also serves a special purpose, that is, making it known in a suitable and dignified manner, that the father has accepted the child as his own and that there is no doubt or suspicion concerning this matter. It shuts the door to any mischief that could arise in the future. As soon as your child is born, they are under attack from Satan. The Prophet said,
"When any human being is born, Satan pinches the body with his two fingers, except 'Isa, the son of Maryam, whom Satan tried to pinch but failed, for he touched the placenta instead".
Sahih Bukhari 4:506
This is why the child cries at birth; Satan never leaves his enemy without harming it. To protect the faith and Islam of the newborn baby, who is now under attack by mankind's greatest enemy, the Messenger of Allah taught us about various things that we can do. Some are well known others not so well known.
The following brief points are intended to remind all people of what the Prophet did when a child was born.
Saying the Adhan
Abu Raf'I relates that, "I saw the Prophet saying the adhan of salah in the ear of his grandson, Hasan, when the child was born to his daughter Fatima".
This Hadeeth is found in Musnad Ahmad, and authenticated by Shaikh Abdul Qadit 'Arnoot.
Tahneek
When a child was born to one of the families of the Sahaba (the Companions of the Prophet) they would take it to the Prophet so that he would bless it, and apply the pulp of a date, chewed by him, to its palate. This 'tahneek' as it is known in 'Arabic', was to keep the child safe from evil. Therefore, similarly when a child is born into a Muslim family, it should be taken to a virtuous, pious person, so that this person may supplicate for the child and perform the tahneek. Tahneek is among those Sunan whose practice has become rare.
Aisha (RA) narrates that "the people used to bring their newborn children to the Prophet and he would bless them and perform the tahneek"
Sahih Muslim 1:560
Aqeeqah & shaving the head
The Aqeeqah ceremony essentially consists of two acts: the shaving of the hair from the head of a newborn baby, and the sacrifice of an animal (these were also characteristic features of Millat-u-Ibrahim, the religion of the Prophet Ibrahim).
The hair on the child's head is shaven and its weight in silver is given as charity. An animal is then sacrificed as a mark of celebration and distributed amongst friends, family, the poor and a portion is kept for ones own consumption.
Ali (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah slaughtered a goat on the occasion of Hasan's birth, the son of Fatimha (RA) and Ali (RA) and said "Oh Fatimah! Shave the head of Hasan and pay silver equal to the weight of the hair as charity".
Sahih Sunan at-Tirmithee 2:1226
It is reported by Abdullah bin al-As that the Prophet said, "To whomsoever a child is born and he wants to perform a sacrifice of Aqeeqah on behalf of it, he should sacrifice two goats for a boy and one goat for a girl".
Sunan Abu Dawood 2:2836
It is reported by Buraydah (RA) "During the age of ignorance, when a child was born to anyone of us, we used to slaughter a goat and smear the child with its blood. Later, after the dawn of Islam, our practice became (on the advice of the Prophet) that we sacrifice a goat of Aqeeqah on the seventh day after the birth of the child, shave the head of the infant and apply saffron on it".
Sunan Abu Dawood 2:2137
Tasmiyah (naming the child)
It is from the teachings of the Messenger of Allah, that each member of the family be given a good name. Those who ask Allah to give them children should also ask Allah to make these children among the followers of the Prophet Muhammad and adherents to his Sunnah. It is an obligation upon the parents that their child be given a good name. Some Ahadeeth indicate that the child is to be named on the seventh day along with Aqeeqah. However, the Prophet also named children on the day of their birth, as proven by other narrations. There is no harm if the child is named before the seventh day, but if the naming has not been done, and then the child should be named on the seventh day.
Naming a child with a beautiful and honourable name is very important. The Prophet always chose names with good and beautiful meanings, even telling people to change their names if they had unpleasant meanings.
Narrated by Abu Musa (RA)" a son was born to me and I took him to the Prophet who named him Ibrahim, did tahneek for him with a date, invoked Allah's blessing upon him and returned him to me.
Sahih Bukhari 7:376
Ibn Umar (RA) reported that Allah's Messenger said that "the names dearest to Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman."
Sahih Muslim 3:5315
Abu Wahab al-Jushamee (RA) who was the Companion of the Prophet reported him as saying", call yourselves by the names of the Prophets. The names dearest to Allah are Abdulla and Abdur Rahman, the truest are Harith (ploughman) and Hammam (energetic) and the worst are Harb (war) and Murrah (bitter)".
Sunan Abu Dawood 3: 4140
Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA). Allah's Apostle said, "the most awful name in Allah's sight on the Day of Resurrection will be that of a man calling himself Malik Al-Amlaak. (king of kings)".
Sahih Bukhari 8:224.
Ibn Umar (RA) reported that Allah's Messenger changed the name of Aasiyah (disobedient) and said "You are Jameelah (good and beautiful).
Sahih Muslim 3:5332 & 4747
(This name should not to be confused with Asiya, the Muslim wife of the Pharaoh)… see Islamic glossary
Usaman Ibn Akhdari (RA) said, a man called Asram (harsh, severe, cut off) was among those who came to the Apostle of Allah. The Apostle of Allah said "what is your name?" he replied "Asram" He said "no, you are Zu'rah". (which means, has been taken or derived from crop, or to sow seed).
Sunan Abu Dawood 3:4144
Khitan - Circumcision
Narrated Abu Hurayah (RA), I heard the Prophet saying "five practices are characteristic of the Fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, cutting the moustache short, clipping the nails and depleting the hair of the armpits".
Sahih Bukhari 7:779
Allah says in the Qur'an
"Then we have inspired you (O Muhammad) follow the religion of Ibrahim, the true in faith and he was not from polytheists"
Surah An-Nahl 16:123
In this verse, the Prophet and his Ummah are commanded to follow the religion if Ibrahim, therefore it is known that circumcision is from the religion of Ibrahim.
Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim have related that.
Abu Hurayah (RA) said that Allah's Messenger said, "Ibrahim did his circumcision with an adze (hand tool with a steel cutting blade) at the age of eighty".
Sahih Bukhari 4:575. Sahih Muslim 4:5844
"When any human being is born, Satan pinches the body with his two fingers, except 'Isa, the son of Maryam, whom Satan tried to pinch but failed, for he touched the placenta instead".
Sahih Bukhari 4:506
This is why the child cries at birth; Satan never leaves his enemy without harming it. To protect the faith and Islam of the newborn baby, who is now under attack by mankind's greatest enemy, the Messenger of Allah taught us about various things that we can do. Some are well known others not so well known.
The following brief points are intended to remind all people of what the Prophet did when a child was born.
Saying the Adhan
Abu Raf'I relates that, "I saw the Prophet saying the adhan of salah in the ear of his grandson, Hasan, when the child was born to his daughter Fatima".
This Hadeeth is found in Musnad Ahmad, and authenticated by Shaikh Abdul Qadit 'Arnoot.
Tahneek
When a child was born to one of the families of the Sahaba (the Companions of the Prophet) they would take it to the Prophet so that he would bless it, and apply the pulp of a date, chewed by him, to its palate. This 'tahneek' as it is known in 'Arabic', was to keep the child safe from evil. Therefore, similarly when a child is born into a Muslim family, it should be taken to a virtuous, pious person, so that this person may supplicate for the child and perform the tahneek. Tahneek is among those Sunan whose practice has become rare.
Aisha (RA) narrates that "the people used to bring their newborn children to the Prophet and he would bless them and perform the tahneek"
Sahih Muslim 1:560
Aqeeqah & shaving the head
The Aqeeqah ceremony essentially consists of two acts: the shaving of the hair from the head of a newborn baby, and the sacrifice of an animal (these were also characteristic features of Millat-u-Ibrahim, the religion of the Prophet Ibrahim).
The hair on the child's head is shaven and its weight in silver is given as charity. An animal is then sacrificed as a mark of celebration and distributed amongst friends, family, the poor and a portion is kept for ones own consumption.
Ali (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah slaughtered a goat on the occasion of Hasan's birth, the son of Fatimha (RA) and Ali (RA) and said "Oh Fatimah! Shave the head of Hasan and pay silver equal to the weight of the hair as charity".
Sahih Sunan at-Tirmithee 2:1226
It is reported by Abdullah bin al-As that the Prophet said, "To whomsoever a child is born and he wants to perform a sacrifice of Aqeeqah on behalf of it, he should sacrifice two goats for a boy and one goat for a girl".
Sunan Abu Dawood 2:2836
It is reported by Buraydah (RA) "During the age of ignorance, when a child was born to anyone of us, we used to slaughter a goat and smear the child with its blood. Later, after the dawn of Islam, our practice became (on the advice of the Prophet) that we sacrifice a goat of Aqeeqah on the seventh day after the birth of the child, shave the head of the infant and apply saffron on it".
Sunan Abu Dawood 2:2137
Tasmiyah (naming the child)
It is from the teachings of the Messenger of Allah, that each member of the family be given a good name. Those who ask Allah to give them children should also ask Allah to make these children among the followers of the Prophet Muhammad and adherents to his Sunnah. It is an obligation upon the parents that their child be given a good name. Some Ahadeeth indicate that the child is to be named on the seventh day along with Aqeeqah. However, the Prophet also named children on the day of their birth, as proven by other narrations. There is no harm if the child is named before the seventh day, but if the naming has not been done, and then the child should be named on the seventh day.
Naming a child with a beautiful and honourable name is very important. The Prophet always chose names with good and beautiful meanings, even telling people to change their names if they had unpleasant meanings.
Narrated by Abu Musa (RA)" a son was born to me and I took him to the Prophet who named him Ibrahim, did tahneek for him with a date, invoked Allah's blessing upon him and returned him to me.
Sahih Bukhari 7:376
Ibn Umar (RA) reported that Allah's Messenger said that "the names dearest to Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman."
Sahih Muslim 3:5315
Abu Wahab al-Jushamee (RA) who was the Companion of the Prophet reported him as saying", call yourselves by the names of the Prophets. The names dearest to Allah are Abdulla and Abdur Rahman, the truest are Harith (ploughman) and Hammam (energetic) and the worst are Harb (war) and Murrah (bitter)".
Sunan Abu Dawood 3: 4140
Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA). Allah's Apostle said, "the most awful name in Allah's sight on the Day of Resurrection will be that of a man calling himself Malik Al-Amlaak. (king of kings)".
Sahih Bukhari 8:224.
Ibn Umar (RA) reported that Allah's Messenger changed the name of Aasiyah (disobedient) and said "You are Jameelah (good and beautiful).
Sahih Muslim 3:5332 & 4747
(This name should not to be confused with Asiya, the Muslim wife of the Pharaoh)… see Islamic glossary
Usaman Ibn Akhdari (RA) said, a man called Asram (harsh, severe, cut off) was among those who came to the Apostle of Allah. The Apostle of Allah said "what is your name?" he replied "Asram" He said "no, you are Zu'rah". (which means, has been taken or derived from crop, or to sow seed).
Sunan Abu Dawood 3:4144
Khitan - Circumcision
Narrated Abu Hurayah (RA), I heard the Prophet saying "five practices are characteristic of the Fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, cutting the moustache short, clipping the nails and depleting the hair of the armpits".
Sahih Bukhari 7:779
Allah says in the Qur'an
"Then we have inspired you (O Muhammad) follow the religion of Ibrahim, the true in faith and he was not from polytheists"
Surah An-Nahl 16:123
In this verse, the Prophet and his Ummah are commanded to follow the religion if Ibrahim, therefore it is known that circumcision is from the religion of Ibrahim.
Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim have related that.
Abu Hurayah (RA) said that Allah's Messenger said, "Ibrahim did his circumcision with an adze (hand tool with a steel cutting blade) at the age of eighty".
Sahih Bukhari 4:575. Sahih Muslim 4:5844
Talaaq: Divorce on the Scales of Islamic Shariah
By: Bilal Abu Aisha
Verily, all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, the compassionate, the Merciful, Master of the Day of Judgment. And peace and blessings of Allah be upon the one sent as a mercy for all the worlds, our beloved Prophet and Messenger Muhammad, and upon his family, his companions and upon all those who follow in his footsteps till the Last Day. To proceed, if a person wishes to worship Allah truly and properly, he must submit to Allah’s commands regardless of whether those commands are related to prayers, fasting, business transactions, marriage or divorce. When a person is not equipped with authentic Islamic knowledge or does not translate their knowledge and understanding into action, choosing their own desires and wishes over and above what Allah has prescribed for them in the Qur’an and through the noble guidance of His Prophet (s.a.w), this inevitably leads to problems in many of the affairs of a person, especially in the case of marital relationships. Marital discord is not only exhibited by husbands, but in many cases it is exhibited by wives, especially those who have been influenced by the feminist movement or materialistic West and who fail to turn completely to the Qur’an and Sunnah to see how they should lead their lives. The existence of such attitudes has led to a great deal of marital discord among many couples. It is unfortunate that many times, such couples do not realize that the steps that they must take to bring an end to such discord without hatred and desire for revenge, or for their marriage to return to its proper state have been stipulated in the Qur’an and Sunnah over 1400 years ago.
Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “The lawful thing which Allah hates most is divorce.” [1] This hadith goes to show that divorce is among the legal things that are Halal but it is not good. It is Halal because sometimes the situation is so complicated that a man is compelled to divorce, when it is reasonable and there is no way out. Divorce is not good because it is a cause of enmity and also a cause of Satan’s delight. As for the commonly quoted hadith: “Marry and do not divorce for verily divorce causes the ‘arsh (throne of Allah) to shake”, this is a fabricated and da’eef (weak) narration that deserves no consideration. Before we delve into the key areas of divorce, it is worth pointing out that Divorce is a serious matter with no room for treating it lightly. Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce and emancipation (of slave).” [2]
The linguistic definition of Talaaq is the setting free. In the view of Islam, divorce means the immediate and future annulment of the marriage contract, as confirmed in a plain declaration like: “I hereby divorce you!” or indirectly, like saying, “I hereby consider you unlawful to me!” It can also be confirmed by a judge or in the absence of judge, a Muslim leader, on basis of the wife’s request. This is known as Khulu’. Divorce sometimes relieves the husband or wife of difficulty, when one of the two has a corrupt nature and a deficient faith; when the two do not agree in temper and purpose; or when their hearts repel and never go well together. Therefore, without love or agreement, the family structure collapses. The aim of the Sharia’h (Islamic law) is to establish a healthy family unit through marriage, but if for some reasons this purpose fails, there is no need to linger on under false hopes as is the practice among the adherents of some other religions were divorce is not permitted. Islam does not keep a couple tied in a loathsome chain to a painful and agonising position, instead it permits divorce. It should only be resorted to when it becomes humanly impossible and due to unavoidable circumstances.
Causes behind Marital Discord and Divorce
Day after Day divorce rates are increasing. This bitter reality has come about due to many factors that couples are heedless of. Divorce rates have increased first and foremost as a result of not fulfilling the rights and duties of Allah, transgressing the boundaries set by Him. And so Allah punishes a person or a married couple by causing destablisation within the marital relationship. Divorce rates have increased after one or both of the spouses began treating the rights and obligations of each other and their children lightly. Divorce rates are on the increase as a result of parents getting involved with the affairs of their married children, where they shouldn’t be getting involved. Divorce is increasing due to gambling, consuming intoxicants such as alcohol and illicit drugs. Divorce continues to rise as result of engagement in unlawful matters: mixed weddings, music and singing, not adhering to the correct Islamic apparel, purchasing houses and cars through riba (usury and interest), in addition to insuring them through prohibited means. Divorce continues to rise as more and more Muslims are refraining from paying zakaat, and due to their neglect and abandonment of Salaat, which the scholars of Islam said is one of the fundamental contributing factors towards divorce. Divorce is increasing as result of not lowering the gaze from looking at the opposite gender that Allah commanded not to be looked at, whether this happens on the streets, in shopping centers, watching television, on the internet, or other places.
Procedure of Divorce
There are two ways in which divorce takes place. One is known as Talaaq Bid’i – an innovated divorce, and the other is known as Talaaq Sunni – that is, divorce carried out in accordance with the teachings of Muhammad (s.a.w). As for Talaaq Sunni, this entails the man uttering divorce at a time when he has not engaged in any sexual relations with her after her last menstruation, whilst his wife is in a state of purity, that is, she is not menstruating or in a state of nifaas – post natal bleeding, and that he declares the divorce once only. And so if one of the previously mentioned conditions is violated, the divorce process is considered as having been carried out in an innovated manner. Talaaq Bid’i, is where a man divorces his wife while she is menstruating or is in a state of post natal bleeding, or that he divorces her after having had sexual relations with her after her last menstruation, or that he divorces her by verbalizing the divorce three times in one utterance or one same sitting. This is the overwhelming opinion of the majority of the scholars, except that Imaam Ash-Shafi’ did not consider the utterance of divorce at one time as an act of innovation. Imaam ash-Shafi’’s opinion is refuted based on the hadith colleted by Bukhari and Muslim whereby ibn ‘Umar, the son of ‘Umar ibn Al-Khataab (r.a), divorced his wife when she was menstruating. So ‘Umar (r.a) asked the Prophet (s.a.w) about his son’s actions in which he replied: “Command him to take her back, and keep her till she is purified, then has another period, then is purified. If he wishes he may keep her and if she wishes he may divorce her before having sexual intercourse, for that is the ‘iddah (period of waiting) which Allah commanded for the divorce of a woman.”
The hadith of ibn ‘Umar tells many points and makes them clear. Firstly, that it is prohibited to divorce during menstruation period. Secondly, without the consent of a woman, a man can withdraw his decision within the specified waiting period (‘iddah). Thirdly, it is an act of heresy (bid’ah) to divorce a woman in the state of purification after menses, in which sexual intercourse is carried out. The scholars of Islam have differed on the issue of whether divorce uttered while a woman is in menses is actually counted. The majority of the scholars say that the divorce has taken place and it is to be counted. This is the opinion of Abu Hanifa, ash-Shafi’, Maalik, Ahmad ibn Hanbal, An-Nawawi, and Al –Zaidiyyah. Those who said that divorce has not taken place include the Dhaahiriyyah (the literalist school of thought), ibn Taymiyyah, his student ibn al-Qayim, and As-Sanaa’ni. The correct opinion and Allah knows best is that of the majority of the scholars, that is, the one who divorces his wife whilst she is in a state of menses is counted as one divorce. This is in light of what ibn ‘Umar himself has proclaimed in Saheeh Muslim and Bukhari that it was counted as one divorce against him.
Verbalising Divorce Thrice at One Time
What is the legal status of three divorces given together at a time? There are four famous different opinions on this issue among the scholars. The first opinion is that three divorces given together at a time befall and the woman is divorced. This is the opinion of the four dominant schools of thought. The second opinion is that if the woman has carried out sexual intercourse, then three will befall, and if she hasn’t, then only one will happen. The third opinion is that of the Mu’tazilah and Shia’ who say that three divorces at a time are nothing and have no legal status at all. The fourth opinion is that this is only to be counted as one divorce. Among these different views the fourth opinion, and Allah knows best is the strongest and most logical. The opinion that three divorces uttered at once is to be only counted as one is the opinion of: Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, ‘Umar ibn AL-Khataab during the first two years of his Khilaafah, ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, one of the ten companions given the glad tidings of Jannah, ‘Abdullah ibn Mas ‘ud, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ibn ‘Abbaas, ibn Taymiyyah and his student ibn al-Qayim, ibn Rajab al-Hanbali, Ash-Shawkaani, ibn Baaz, ibn ‘Uthaymeen, the great scholar of hadith Shaikh Al-Albaani, and many others, may Allah shower each and everyone of them with his mercy. The conclusive opinion of these great companions and scholars is in light of authentic texts, which shed light on this controversial issue. The following hadith reported by Muslim is one of the main sources of evidence, whereby ibn ‘Abbaas (r.a) narrated: “In the time of Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w), Abu Bakr, and the first two years of the caliphate of ‘Umar, the three pronouncements of divorce were regarded as one divorce. So ‘Umar said: ‘People have made haste in an affair they used to practice with patience, so supposing we execute it on them’, so he executed it on them.”
Uttering Divorce during Anger
Anger is of three types: The first type is when anger is so intense that a person becomes no longer aware of what he is doing or saying. In this case the divorce does not count according to the majority of the scholars, because he is like one who is insane and mad, one who has lost all power of reason. The second type of anger is when a man is when his anger is intense but he understands what he is saying and doing, however the anger is so intense and he cannot control himself because the argument trading of insults or fighting has gone on too long, so his anger intensifies because of that. In this case there difference of opinion among the scholars. The most correct view, and Allah knows best, is that divorce does not count because the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “There is no divorce and no freeing of slaves when it is done by force or in a state of intense anger.” [3] The third type of anger is mild anger. This is what happens when the husband is upset with his wife, or he is disappointed about something that his wife has done. This mild anger it is not so intense that it makes him lose his power of reasoning or self control, hence the divorce is valid according to the majority of the scholars. This is the correct answer regarding divorce uttered in anger, as was stated by ibn Taymiyyah and ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on them.
‘Iddaah: Period of waiting
‘Iddah is a period in which a woman waits after the death of her husband or divorce, and she is not allowed to marry during this period. The Muslim jurists have unanimously agreed on it as being waajib (obligatory) due to the explicitness of the Qur’anic injuction whereby Allah says: “The divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods.” [4] There are three types of ‘Iddah: The first type of ‘Iddah is that of birth. That is, a woman must wait until she delivers her child before she can remarry. A common erroneous idea among people is that a pregnant woman cannot be divorced. This is not the case at all. Rather there is a consensus on this point among the scholars, and that this is a Sunnah divorce and heresy (bid’ah). There is no dispute regarding its validity. The second type of ‘Iddah is the ‘Iddah of menses. This means a woman is not allowed to marry until she has three menstruations. As soon as the third period ends, ‘Iddah ends. This is the view of many of the elite companions such as ‘Umar, ‘Ali and ibn Masu’d, and it was narrated by ibn al-Qayyim. This is also the view by the majority of contemporary scholars such as ibn Baaz and ‘Uthaymeen. The third type of waiting period is the ‘Iddah of months. This applies to women who have passed the age of menstruation. The ‘Iddah in this case is three months. As for a woman who is divorced by her husband before he has consummated his marriage with her, then there is no waiting period that applies to her based on verse number 49 from Surat Al-Ahzaab (33).
The woman whose husband has divorced her once or twice is instructed to spend her ‘Iddah duration within her husband’s house. Any woman who leaves her home without the permission of her husband after he has uttered either the first or second divorce is in violation of the injunctions of Allah and His Messenger. A woman whose divorce is revocable (i.e. first or second divorce) may still uncover in front of her husband and adorn herself by applying make-up and perfume. She may speak to him and he may speak to her; she may sit with him and do anything with him apart from intercourse. The only instance in which he may have sexual relations with her is if he takes her back. If the husband kisses and embraces his wife with the intention of taking her back, then that taking back is valid. To be on the safe side however, he should not fondle with his wife until after he has clearly stated that he is taking her back.
In the case were a husband is not sure as to whether he uttered the word of divorce at all, or as to the number of divorces he has uttered, then he should act on the basis of what is certain. So if he is not sure whether he has divorced her or not, the basic principle is that divorce has not taken place, because in this instance marriage is something which is certain, and divorce is something concerning which there is uncertainty. Based on the juristic principle that certainty cannot be overridden by doubt, if the husband is uncertain as to whether he has divorced his wife once or twice, he should assume that he has divorced her once, because this is what is certain.
Khulu’: Divorce initiated on the part of the wife
The linguistic definition of khulu’ means to take off the clothes or to take out. According to Shari’a terminologly, khulu’ refers to a woman’s right of cancellation of her marriage. Just as a man can divorce if he has a genuine objection, similarly, a woman may also have a khulu’ if she has a genuine excuse, and after returning the dowry (mahr or sadaaq). Some of the valid reasons for a woman to ask for a Khulu’ include disliking her husband’s treatment, such as being hot tempered, over-strict, one who criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming. Another valid reason is that she may dislike her husband’s physical appearance due to some deformity or ugliness, or that one of his faculties is missing. Other reasons a woman may instigate divorce is if her husband is lacking in religious commitment. For example, he doesn’t pray, or does not fast in Ramadan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties, whereby the barriers of Allah are transgressed, such as fornication, drinking alcohol, listening to singing and musical instruments. Another basis a woman may ask for a divorce is if the husband deprives her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing, and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things. A woman may also ask for a divorce if her husband does not give a woman her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste due to being impotent, or because he is unfair in the division of his time among co-wives. It is crucial to point out that there must be a valid reason behind asking for a khulu’. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “If any woman asks for divorce from her husband without any specific reason, will not smell the fragrance of paradise.”
The ‘Iddah of a woman divorced by khulu’ is not the same as that of a woman who did not instigate the divorce. If the woman divorced by khulu’ is pregnant then her ‘Iddah lasts until she gives birth, according to scholarly consenses. [5] But if she is not pregnant, the scholars differed concerning her ‘Iddah. Most of the scholars said that she should wait for three menstrual cycles, because of the general meaning of the verse: “And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods.” The correct view and Allah knows best is that it is sufficient for a woman divorced by khulu’ to wait for one menstrual cycle only. This is deduced from the hadith whereby the Prophet (s.a.w) told the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays, when she divorced him by Khulu’, to wait out the ‘Iddah for one menstrual cycle. [6] This hadith refers specifically to Khulu’ divorce, whereas the verse quoted above speaks of divorce in general. As for the permissibility of taking back a divorced wife by Khulu’ during the ‘iddah, ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him said: “There is unanimous agreement that the man who has divorced his wife by Khulu’ may take her back during the ‘Iddah.” [7]
Ar-Raj’a – Taking back a wife after a divorce
If a man divorces his wife and this is the first or second talaaq, referred to as talaaq raj’I, and she has not ended her ‘Iddah, then he can take his wife back by saying: “I am taking you back” or “I am keeping you.” Apart from verbalizing that he is taking her back, the husband may do some action intending thereby to take her back, such as having intercourse with the intention of taking her back. The Sunnah is that taking back the wife should be done in the presence of two just Muslims based on verse number 2 from Surat at-Talaaq (65). If the ‘Iddah has ended following a first or second divorce, there has to be a new marriage contract. In this case he has to propose marriage like any other man, to her guardian and to her. When she and her guardian agree and they agree upon a mahr (dowry), then the marriage contract is completed. That must be done in the presence of two just witnesses. If however, he divorces his wife for a third time, she becomes unlawful to her first husband until she marries a second husband in a genuine marriage which is consummated. Allah the Exalted says (interpretation of the meaning): “The divorce is twice, after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness…” [8] and He also said: “And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter ntil she has married another husband.” [9]
The last divorce known amongst Muslim Jurists as Talaaq Baa-in, refers to the third divorce according to the overwhelming majority of the scholars. This is in light of the hadith collected by Bukhari and Muslim whereby a woman came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “O Messenger of Allah, Rifaa’ah divorced me thrice, then I was married to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn al-Zubayr al-Qurazi, but he has nothing with him except something like this fringe.” The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “Perhaps you want to go back to Rifaa’ah? No, (it is not possible), unless and until you enjoy sexual relations with him (i.e. ‘Abd al-Rahman), and he enjoys the sexual relation with you.” An-Nawawi said: “This hadith indicates that the woman who has been divorced by a third talaaq is not permissible to the man who has divorced her until she has been married by another husband, who has intercourse with her then separates from her, and she completes her ‘Iddah. Merely drawing up the marriage contract with her does not make her permissible to the first husband. This is the view of all the scholars among the companions, the taabiee’n (their direct successors), and those who came after them.
Allah the Exalted and the All-Mighty knows best. And May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon His beloved slave and final Messenger – Prophet Muhammad.
Footnotes:
[1] Reported by Abu Dawud and ibn Majah. Al-Haakim graded it as Sahih (authentic). [1] Sunan at-Tirmidhi. Sheikh al-Albaani declared its chain of narration as hasan (good).
[1] Reported by ibn Majah. Sheikh al-Albani declared it as Saheeh (authentic) in Irwaa’ al-Ghalil.
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 228
[1] Al-Mughni, 11/227
[1] Reported by at-Tirmidhi. Sheikh al-Albaani declared it as Saheeh (authentic) in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.
[1] Tafsir ibn Kathir, 1/277
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 229
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 230
Verily, all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, the compassionate, the Merciful, Master of the Day of Judgment. And peace and blessings of Allah be upon the one sent as a mercy for all the worlds, our beloved Prophet and Messenger Muhammad, and upon his family, his companions and upon all those who follow in his footsteps till the Last Day. To proceed, if a person wishes to worship Allah truly and properly, he must submit to Allah’s commands regardless of whether those commands are related to prayers, fasting, business transactions, marriage or divorce. When a person is not equipped with authentic Islamic knowledge or does not translate their knowledge and understanding into action, choosing their own desires and wishes over and above what Allah has prescribed for them in the Qur’an and through the noble guidance of His Prophet (s.a.w), this inevitably leads to problems in many of the affairs of a person, especially in the case of marital relationships. Marital discord is not only exhibited by husbands, but in many cases it is exhibited by wives, especially those who have been influenced by the feminist movement or materialistic West and who fail to turn completely to the Qur’an and Sunnah to see how they should lead their lives. The existence of such attitudes has led to a great deal of marital discord among many couples. It is unfortunate that many times, such couples do not realize that the steps that they must take to bring an end to such discord without hatred and desire for revenge, or for their marriage to return to its proper state have been stipulated in the Qur’an and Sunnah over 1400 years ago.
Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “The lawful thing which Allah hates most is divorce.” [1] This hadith goes to show that divorce is among the legal things that are Halal but it is not good. It is Halal because sometimes the situation is so complicated that a man is compelled to divorce, when it is reasonable and there is no way out. Divorce is not good because it is a cause of enmity and also a cause of Satan’s delight. As for the commonly quoted hadith: “Marry and do not divorce for verily divorce causes the ‘arsh (throne of Allah) to shake”, this is a fabricated and da’eef (weak) narration that deserves no consideration. Before we delve into the key areas of divorce, it is worth pointing out that Divorce is a serious matter with no room for treating it lightly. Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce and emancipation (of slave).” [2]
The linguistic definition of Talaaq is the setting free. In the view of Islam, divorce means the immediate and future annulment of the marriage contract, as confirmed in a plain declaration like: “I hereby divorce you!” or indirectly, like saying, “I hereby consider you unlawful to me!” It can also be confirmed by a judge or in the absence of judge, a Muslim leader, on basis of the wife’s request. This is known as Khulu’. Divorce sometimes relieves the husband or wife of difficulty, when one of the two has a corrupt nature and a deficient faith; when the two do not agree in temper and purpose; or when their hearts repel and never go well together. Therefore, without love or agreement, the family structure collapses. The aim of the Sharia’h (Islamic law) is to establish a healthy family unit through marriage, but if for some reasons this purpose fails, there is no need to linger on under false hopes as is the practice among the adherents of some other religions were divorce is not permitted. Islam does not keep a couple tied in a loathsome chain to a painful and agonising position, instead it permits divorce. It should only be resorted to when it becomes humanly impossible and due to unavoidable circumstances.
Causes behind Marital Discord and Divorce
Day after Day divorce rates are increasing. This bitter reality has come about due to many factors that couples are heedless of. Divorce rates have increased first and foremost as a result of not fulfilling the rights and duties of Allah, transgressing the boundaries set by Him. And so Allah punishes a person or a married couple by causing destablisation within the marital relationship. Divorce rates have increased after one or both of the spouses began treating the rights and obligations of each other and their children lightly. Divorce rates are on the increase as a result of parents getting involved with the affairs of their married children, where they shouldn’t be getting involved. Divorce is increasing due to gambling, consuming intoxicants such as alcohol and illicit drugs. Divorce continues to rise as result of engagement in unlawful matters: mixed weddings, music and singing, not adhering to the correct Islamic apparel, purchasing houses and cars through riba (usury and interest), in addition to insuring them through prohibited means. Divorce continues to rise as more and more Muslims are refraining from paying zakaat, and due to their neglect and abandonment of Salaat, which the scholars of Islam said is one of the fundamental contributing factors towards divorce. Divorce is increasing as result of not lowering the gaze from looking at the opposite gender that Allah commanded not to be looked at, whether this happens on the streets, in shopping centers, watching television, on the internet, or other places.
Procedure of Divorce
There are two ways in which divorce takes place. One is known as Talaaq Bid’i – an innovated divorce, and the other is known as Talaaq Sunni – that is, divorce carried out in accordance with the teachings of Muhammad (s.a.w). As for Talaaq Sunni, this entails the man uttering divorce at a time when he has not engaged in any sexual relations with her after her last menstruation, whilst his wife is in a state of purity, that is, she is not menstruating or in a state of nifaas – post natal bleeding, and that he declares the divorce once only. And so if one of the previously mentioned conditions is violated, the divorce process is considered as having been carried out in an innovated manner. Talaaq Bid’i, is where a man divorces his wife while she is menstruating or is in a state of post natal bleeding, or that he divorces her after having had sexual relations with her after her last menstruation, or that he divorces her by verbalizing the divorce three times in one utterance or one same sitting. This is the overwhelming opinion of the majority of the scholars, except that Imaam Ash-Shafi’ did not consider the utterance of divorce at one time as an act of innovation. Imaam ash-Shafi’’s opinion is refuted based on the hadith colleted by Bukhari and Muslim whereby ibn ‘Umar, the son of ‘Umar ibn Al-Khataab (r.a), divorced his wife when she was menstruating. So ‘Umar (r.a) asked the Prophet (s.a.w) about his son’s actions in which he replied: “Command him to take her back, and keep her till she is purified, then has another period, then is purified. If he wishes he may keep her and if she wishes he may divorce her before having sexual intercourse, for that is the ‘iddah (period of waiting) which Allah commanded for the divorce of a woman.”
The hadith of ibn ‘Umar tells many points and makes them clear. Firstly, that it is prohibited to divorce during menstruation period. Secondly, without the consent of a woman, a man can withdraw his decision within the specified waiting period (‘iddah). Thirdly, it is an act of heresy (bid’ah) to divorce a woman in the state of purification after menses, in which sexual intercourse is carried out. The scholars of Islam have differed on the issue of whether divorce uttered while a woman is in menses is actually counted. The majority of the scholars say that the divorce has taken place and it is to be counted. This is the opinion of Abu Hanifa, ash-Shafi’, Maalik, Ahmad ibn Hanbal, An-Nawawi, and Al –Zaidiyyah. Those who said that divorce has not taken place include the Dhaahiriyyah (the literalist school of thought), ibn Taymiyyah, his student ibn al-Qayim, and As-Sanaa’ni. The correct opinion and Allah knows best is that of the majority of the scholars, that is, the one who divorces his wife whilst she is in a state of menses is counted as one divorce. This is in light of what ibn ‘Umar himself has proclaimed in Saheeh Muslim and Bukhari that it was counted as one divorce against him.
Verbalising Divorce Thrice at One Time
What is the legal status of three divorces given together at a time? There are four famous different opinions on this issue among the scholars. The first opinion is that three divorces given together at a time befall and the woman is divorced. This is the opinion of the four dominant schools of thought. The second opinion is that if the woman has carried out sexual intercourse, then three will befall, and if she hasn’t, then only one will happen. The third opinion is that of the Mu’tazilah and Shia’ who say that three divorces at a time are nothing and have no legal status at all. The fourth opinion is that this is only to be counted as one divorce. Among these different views the fourth opinion, and Allah knows best is the strongest and most logical. The opinion that three divorces uttered at once is to be only counted as one is the opinion of: Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, ‘Umar ibn AL-Khataab during the first two years of his Khilaafah, ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, one of the ten companions given the glad tidings of Jannah, ‘Abdullah ibn Mas ‘ud, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ibn ‘Abbaas, ibn Taymiyyah and his student ibn al-Qayim, ibn Rajab al-Hanbali, Ash-Shawkaani, ibn Baaz, ibn ‘Uthaymeen, the great scholar of hadith Shaikh Al-Albaani, and many others, may Allah shower each and everyone of them with his mercy. The conclusive opinion of these great companions and scholars is in light of authentic texts, which shed light on this controversial issue. The following hadith reported by Muslim is one of the main sources of evidence, whereby ibn ‘Abbaas (r.a) narrated: “In the time of Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w), Abu Bakr, and the first two years of the caliphate of ‘Umar, the three pronouncements of divorce were regarded as one divorce. So ‘Umar said: ‘People have made haste in an affair they used to practice with patience, so supposing we execute it on them’, so he executed it on them.”
Uttering Divorce during Anger
Anger is of three types: The first type is when anger is so intense that a person becomes no longer aware of what he is doing or saying. In this case the divorce does not count according to the majority of the scholars, because he is like one who is insane and mad, one who has lost all power of reason. The second type of anger is when a man is when his anger is intense but he understands what he is saying and doing, however the anger is so intense and he cannot control himself because the argument trading of insults or fighting has gone on too long, so his anger intensifies because of that. In this case there difference of opinion among the scholars. The most correct view, and Allah knows best, is that divorce does not count because the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “There is no divorce and no freeing of slaves when it is done by force or in a state of intense anger.” [3] The third type of anger is mild anger. This is what happens when the husband is upset with his wife, or he is disappointed about something that his wife has done. This mild anger it is not so intense that it makes him lose his power of reasoning or self control, hence the divorce is valid according to the majority of the scholars. This is the correct answer regarding divorce uttered in anger, as was stated by ibn Taymiyyah and ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on them.
‘Iddaah: Period of waiting
‘Iddah is a period in which a woman waits after the death of her husband or divorce, and she is not allowed to marry during this period. The Muslim jurists have unanimously agreed on it as being waajib (obligatory) due to the explicitness of the Qur’anic injuction whereby Allah says: “The divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods.” [4] There are three types of ‘Iddah: The first type of ‘Iddah is that of birth. That is, a woman must wait until she delivers her child before she can remarry. A common erroneous idea among people is that a pregnant woman cannot be divorced. This is not the case at all. Rather there is a consensus on this point among the scholars, and that this is a Sunnah divorce and heresy (bid’ah). There is no dispute regarding its validity. The second type of ‘Iddah is the ‘Iddah of menses. This means a woman is not allowed to marry until she has three menstruations. As soon as the third period ends, ‘Iddah ends. This is the view of many of the elite companions such as ‘Umar, ‘Ali and ibn Masu’d, and it was narrated by ibn al-Qayyim. This is also the view by the majority of contemporary scholars such as ibn Baaz and ‘Uthaymeen. The third type of waiting period is the ‘Iddah of months. This applies to women who have passed the age of menstruation. The ‘Iddah in this case is three months. As for a woman who is divorced by her husband before he has consummated his marriage with her, then there is no waiting period that applies to her based on verse number 49 from Surat Al-Ahzaab (33).
The woman whose husband has divorced her once or twice is instructed to spend her ‘Iddah duration within her husband’s house. Any woman who leaves her home without the permission of her husband after he has uttered either the first or second divorce is in violation of the injunctions of Allah and His Messenger. A woman whose divorce is revocable (i.e. first or second divorce) may still uncover in front of her husband and adorn herself by applying make-up and perfume. She may speak to him and he may speak to her; she may sit with him and do anything with him apart from intercourse. The only instance in which he may have sexual relations with her is if he takes her back. If the husband kisses and embraces his wife with the intention of taking her back, then that taking back is valid. To be on the safe side however, he should not fondle with his wife until after he has clearly stated that he is taking her back.
In the case were a husband is not sure as to whether he uttered the word of divorce at all, or as to the number of divorces he has uttered, then he should act on the basis of what is certain. So if he is not sure whether he has divorced her or not, the basic principle is that divorce has not taken place, because in this instance marriage is something which is certain, and divorce is something concerning which there is uncertainty. Based on the juristic principle that certainty cannot be overridden by doubt, if the husband is uncertain as to whether he has divorced his wife once or twice, he should assume that he has divorced her once, because this is what is certain.
Khulu’: Divorce initiated on the part of the wife
The linguistic definition of khulu’ means to take off the clothes or to take out. According to Shari’a terminologly, khulu’ refers to a woman’s right of cancellation of her marriage. Just as a man can divorce if he has a genuine objection, similarly, a woman may also have a khulu’ if she has a genuine excuse, and after returning the dowry (mahr or sadaaq). Some of the valid reasons for a woman to ask for a Khulu’ include disliking her husband’s treatment, such as being hot tempered, over-strict, one who criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming. Another valid reason is that she may dislike her husband’s physical appearance due to some deformity or ugliness, or that one of his faculties is missing. Other reasons a woman may instigate divorce is if her husband is lacking in religious commitment. For example, he doesn’t pray, or does not fast in Ramadan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties, whereby the barriers of Allah are transgressed, such as fornication, drinking alcohol, listening to singing and musical instruments. Another basis a woman may ask for a divorce is if the husband deprives her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing, and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things. A woman may also ask for a divorce if her husband does not give a woman her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste due to being impotent, or because he is unfair in the division of his time among co-wives. It is crucial to point out that there must be a valid reason behind asking for a khulu’. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “If any woman asks for divorce from her husband without any specific reason, will not smell the fragrance of paradise.”
The ‘Iddah of a woman divorced by khulu’ is not the same as that of a woman who did not instigate the divorce. If the woman divorced by khulu’ is pregnant then her ‘Iddah lasts until she gives birth, according to scholarly consenses. [5] But if she is not pregnant, the scholars differed concerning her ‘Iddah. Most of the scholars said that she should wait for three menstrual cycles, because of the general meaning of the verse: “And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods.” The correct view and Allah knows best is that it is sufficient for a woman divorced by khulu’ to wait for one menstrual cycle only. This is deduced from the hadith whereby the Prophet (s.a.w) told the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays, when she divorced him by Khulu’, to wait out the ‘Iddah for one menstrual cycle. [6] This hadith refers specifically to Khulu’ divorce, whereas the verse quoted above speaks of divorce in general. As for the permissibility of taking back a divorced wife by Khulu’ during the ‘iddah, ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him said: “There is unanimous agreement that the man who has divorced his wife by Khulu’ may take her back during the ‘Iddah.” [7]
Ar-Raj’a – Taking back a wife after a divorce
If a man divorces his wife and this is the first or second talaaq, referred to as talaaq raj’I, and she has not ended her ‘Iddah, then he can take his wife back by saying: “I am taking you back” or “I am keeping you.” Apart from verbalizing that he is taking her back, the husband may do some action intending thereby to take her back, such as having intercourse with the intention of taking her back. The Sunnah is that taking back the wife should be done in the presence of two just Muslims based on verse number 2 from Surat at-Talaaq (65). If the ‘Iddah has ended following a first or second divorce, there has to be a new marriage contract. In this case he has to propose marriage like any other man, to her guardian and to her. When she and her guardian agree and they agree upon a mahr (dowry), then the marriage contract is completed. That must be done in the presence of two just witnesses. If however, he divorces his wife for a third time, she becomes unlawful to her first husband until she marries a second husband in a genuine marriage which is consummated. Allah the Exalted says (interpretation of the meaning): “The divorce is twice, after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness…” [8] and He also said: “And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter ntil she has married another husband.” [9]
The last divorce known amongst Muslim Jurists as Talaaq Baa-in, refers to the third divorce according to the overwhelming majority of the scholars. This is in light of the hadith collected by Bukhari and Muslim whereby a woman came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “O Messenger of Allah, Rifaa’ah divorced me thrice, then I was married to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn al-Zubayr al-Qurazi, but he has nothing with him except something like this fringe.” The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “Perhaps you want to go back to Rifaa’ah? No, (it is not possible), unless and until you enjoy sexual relations with him (i.e. ‘Abd al-Rahman), and he enjoys the sexual relation with you.” An-Nawawi said: “This hadith indicates that the woman who has been divorced by a third talaaq is not permissible to the man who has divorced her until she has been married by another husband, who has intercourse with her then separates from her, and she completes her ‘Iddah. Merely drawing up the marriage contract with her does not make her permissible to the first husband. This is the view of all the scholars among the companions, the taabiee’n (their direct successors), and those who came after them.
Allah the Exalted and the All-Mighty knows best. And May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon His beloved slave and final Messenger – Prophet Muhammad.
Footnotes:
[1] Reported by Abu Dawud and ibn Majah. Al-Haakim graded it as Sahih (authentic). [1] Sunan at-Tirmidhi. Sheikh al-Albaani declared its chain of narration as hasan (good).
[1] Reported by ibn Majah. Sheikh al-Albani declared it as Saheeh (authentic) in Irwaa’ al-Ghalil.
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 228
[1] Al-Mughni, 11/227
[1] Reported by at-Tirmidhi. Sheikh al-Albaani declared it as Saheeh (authentic) in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.
[1] Tafsir ibn Kathir, 1/277
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 229
[1] Al-Baqarah, 2: 230
The Marriage Contract: Its Basic Elements
By Bilal Abu Aisha
All praise is due to Allah, the Creator of our world and the laws that govern it. And Peace and blessings of Allah be upon His slave and final Messenger Muhammad (saws), the one sent to all of mankind, the one sent to guide people out from the darkness of shirk (polytheism), into the light of Tawheed (montheism). Know dear reader that Allah (swt) has created things in pairs. Those pairs must get together in certain ways in order for reproduction to occur. The way for reproduction to occur amongst humans – males and females, is through marriage, known in Arabic as nikaah. Islam urges Muslims to marry, and prohibits pre-marital relationships. Allah Most High says in the Qur’an: “Marry the unmarried among you…”1 Also, Allah’s Messenger (saws) in the hadith found in Bukhari and Muslim, commanded young people to marry, and advised those of them who could not afford it to fast as a means of controlling their sexual desire. From an Islamic perspective, marriage is not viewed merely as a means of satisfying natural desires and passions. Its goals are much deeper than just obtaining legal sex. Allah (swt) points out one of the main objectives behind marriage by saying: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you might live with tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts (hearts)…”2
Therefore, the phenomenon of bachelorship or celibacy are UN-Islamic practices that result in devastation, effecting the Muslim community, and posing a threat to the Islamic world. What devastation? What threat on the Islamic world? The answers to these questions are found in the non-Muslim communities. Every day we hear and observe with our very eyes the perverted and sinful ways of the Kuffar (disbelievers). These ways which they find acceptable in their societies have ultimately led to many types of diseases such as A.I.D.S, syphilis and the like, as a result of their choice to follow the unnatural way of abstaining from marriage.
The marriage contract is the formal bond that turns two individuals from strangers to husband and wife. It is the most important contract that most people execute throughout their lives. Since the marriage contract has such great significance, the deen of Islam imposes a number of guidelines that it must fulfill. Many Muslims who are engaged in pre-marital relationships hold back from having the contract executed due to their ignorance about its elements. So they continue to live a sinful lifestyle due to cultural influences which lead them thinking the process is too demanding. Before delving into the basic elements of marriage, it worth mentioning here that marriage is a serious matter and should be dealt with seriously. It is not allowed for a man to marry and then claim he did not really mean it, or that he was joking. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce, and emancipation (of slaves).”3
The Islamic marriage contract has conditions, requirements, pillars and optional elements. A contract must fulfill the following conditions and pillars in order to be valid.
Eligibility of Bride and Groom
The first of these conditions is that both the bride and groom must fulfill certain requirements. The groom must be a chaste Muslim having attained the age of puberty. He must not be related to the bride by any of the permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationships such as his sisters, paternal and maternal aunts, daughters, grand daughters and others. He must not be prohibited from marrying the bride for any of the temporary reasons stipulated in the Qur’an and Sunnah. So if a man has four wives, all other women become temporarily prohibited from him. Another example of a temporary reason is that as long as a man is married to a particular woman, all of her sisters become temporarily prohibited for him; that is he may not marry any of them unless he divorces their sister. Others include: women married to other men, simultaneously marrying aunts and their nieces, adulteresses and prostitutes that have not sincerely repented, including others in which the Islamic shari ‘a may have listed. The requirements a bride must fulfill is that she must be a chaste Muslim, Christian or Jew. She must not be married to another man, and must not be related to the groom by any of the permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationships in addition to not being prohibited from marrying the groom for any of the temporary reasons as stated above.
Bride’s Permission
The next required element of the marriage contract is the bride’s permission. Without her permission, the contract is either null and void, or may be invalidated by the Islamic authorities at the bride’s request. The minimum required permission may be done by either voicing her approval or through a passive expression such remaining silent when asked about a potential husband and simply nodding her head, or making any other motion to indicate that she does not object to the marriage. The Prophet (saws) said: “A deflowered unmarried woman (i.e. widow or divorcee) may not be married without her instructions; and a virgin may not be married without her permission, and her silence indicates her consent.”4
The Woman’s Wali
The next requirement of for a valid contract is the approval of the woman’s guardian known as the wali. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali.”5 Normally, a woman’s wali is her father. If, for any reason, her father is unable to be her wali, her wali would then be her next closest blood relation: the grandfather, uncle, brother, son and so on. It is not permissible for a woman to take another woman as her wali. The Prophet (saws) said: “A woman may not give another woman in marriage, nor may a woman give herself (independently) in marriage.”6 If the bride does not have a Muslim blood-relative as a wali, the Islamic authority, represented by the ruler or judge, would appoint a wali for her. In non-Muslim communities the local imam is the one to be appointed as the wali of a woman who has no wali. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali. And the authority is the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”7 The presence of the wali or a representative he has appointed is an integral element of the contract or else the contract is deemed invalid. The Prophet (saws) said: “Whichever woman marries without her wali’s permission, her marriage is void, her marriage is void, her marriage is void. If he (i.e. the husband) performs intercourse with her, the mahr (dowry) becomes her right because he had access to her private parts. And if they dispute, the ruler would then be the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”8
The witnesses
Another condition for the validity of a marriage contract is the presence of at least two trustworthy Muslim male witnesses. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage is not valid without a wali and two trustworthy witnesses.”9
The Mahr (Dowry)
The next element of the marriage contract is a mandatory marriage gift given by the husband to his wife. In Arabic, this gift is called mahr or sadaaq. Allah Most High said: “And give the women their dowry as a free gift.”10 He also made a commandment regarding by saying: “And give them their compensation as an obligation.”11 The mahr is the sole right of the wife and no one may take any of it without her permission – not even her parents. The dowry can be in the form of money, jewelry, clothing, or other material things. It can also be a non-material gift. The Islamic sharia has not specified any amount, but it should be in accordance with the husband’s financial ability and with what is reasonable for the bride in her social status. It is normally determined by agreement between the husband and the bride or her wali. A woman came to the Prophet (saws) and offered herself to him. He declined, so a man who was present with him said: “O Messenger of Allah! Marry her to me.” The Prophet asked him: “Do you have anything to give her?” He said: “No!” The Prophet (saws) said: “Give her at least an iron ring.” But he still could not afford it. The Prophet (saws) then asked him: “Do you memorise any portion of the Qur’an?” He replied: “I have memorised such and such chapters.” The Prophet (saws) then said: “…I marry her to you for the portion of the Qur’an that you have memorised.” This means that he is expected to teach her some of what he has memorised, and treat her kindly based on this memorisation. All of that would be much more beneficial to the bride than lots of material gift. Know that the best of dowry is that which is light and easiest upon the husband. This is actually a sign of blessing for the bride as the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “Verily, a sign of blessing for a woman is that her engagement, dowry, and giving birth, are all made easy.”12 Umar ibn al-Khataab (r.a) once gave a sermon in which he said: “Do not be excessive in regard to the women’s dowries.” It is recommended to give the bride her dowry immediately after executing the marriage contract. Yet, it is a very common practice to divide the mahr into two portions, an advanced and postponed portion. Postponement of the mahr is, in general, an innovated inconvenience that departs from the normal practice found in the Sunnah. It defeats the very purpose, which is to be a gift prior to having any intimacy with the bride.
Conditions
At the time of carrying out the marriage contract, the two parties my wish to set conditions whose violation would invalidate the contract. This is acceptable as long as the conditions do not violate any Islamic principles. Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “Every condition not according to the book of Allah is void, even if it be a hundred conditions.”13 An example of a condition may be that a woman stipulates that she remain in a particular homeland during their marriage. The conditions are normally set by the wife’s side, because the husband can terminate the marriage by uttering the divorce.
Carrying out the Contract
It is recommended for the person conducting the marriage ceremony to start with Khutbat-ul Haajah that was reported by Ibn Masoud and Jabir in at-Tabaraani and Bukhari in At-Taareekh. The main and actual pillars of the contract are the offering and acceptance known as Ijaab and qabool. They signify the mutual agreement and acceptance between the two parties to join in this marriage bond. The Ijaab and qabool must be stated in clear, well defined words, in one and the same sitting, and in the presence of the witnesses. The person conducting the ceremony may help the two parties say offering and accepting words. Documenting the marriage contract is not a requirement for the contract’s validty. However, it is important to document it for future reference and to preserve the rights of the husband and wife. Once the marriage contract is executed, all rights and responsibilities for the two parties become immediately due.
We ask Allah to bless us with beneficial knowledge and cure us from the ailment of ignorance and blind following, and Allah knows best!
1. An-Noor, 24: 32
2. Surat Ar-Room
3. Sunan At-Tirmidhi – its chain is verified to be hasan by al-Albaani
4. Bukhari & Muslim
5. Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi, and others – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
6. Ibn Majah, al-Bayhaqi and others – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
7. Ahmad and Abu Dawud – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
8. Ahmad and Abu Dawud – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
9. Ahmad, Ibn Hibbaan, and others – Authentic according to al-Albaani
10. Surat an-Nisaa, 4:4
11. Surat an-Nisaa, 4:24
12. Ahmad, al-Haakim, and others –its chain is hasan according to al-Albaani
13. Bukhari & Muslim
Top of Page Contact Mission Islam Discussion Board Recommende
All praise is due to Allah, the Creator of our world and the laws that govern it. And Peace and blessings of Allah be upon His slave and final Messenger Muhammad (saws), the one sent to all of mankind, the one sent to guide people out from the darkness of shirk (polytheism), into the light of Tawheed (montheism). Know dear reader that Allah (swt) has created things in pairs. Those pairs must get together in certain ways in order for reproduction to occur. The way for reproduction to occur amongst humans – males and females, is through marriage, known in Arabic as nikaah. Islam urges Muslims to marry, and prohibits pre-marital relationships. Allah Most High says in the Qur’an: “Marry the unmarried among you…”1 Also, Allah’s Messenger (saws) in the hadith found in Bukhari and Muslim, commanded young people to marry, and advised those of them who could not afford it to fast as a means of controlling their sexual desire. From an Islamic perspective, marriage is not viewed merely as a means of satisfying natural desires and passions. Its goals are much deeper than just obtaining legal sex. Allah (swt) points out one of the main objectives behind marriage by saying: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you might live with tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts (hearts)…”2
Therefore, the phenomenon of bachelorship or celibacy are UN-Islamic practices that result in devastation, effecting the Muslim community, and posing a threat to the Islamic world. What devastation? What threat on the Islamic world? The answers to these questions are found in the non-Muslim communities. Every day we hear and observe with our very eyes the perverted and sinful ways of the Kuffar (disbelievers). These ways which they find acceptable in their societies have ultimately led to many types of diseases such as A.I.D.S, syphilis and the like, as a result of their choice to follow the unnatural way of abstaining from marriage.
The marriage contract is the formal bond that turns two individuals from strangers to husband and wife. It is the most important contract that most people execute throughout their lives. Since the marriage contract has such great significance, the deen of Islam imposes a number of guidelines that it must fulfill. Many Muslims who are engaged in pre-marital relationships hold back from having the contract executed due to their ignorance about its elements. So they continue to live a sinful lifestyle due to cultural influences which lead them thinking the process is too demanding. Before delving into the basic elements of marriage, it worth mentioning here that marriage is a serious matter and should be dealt with seriously. It is not allowed for a man to marry and then claim he did not really mean it, or that he was joking. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce, and emancipation (of slaves).”3
The Islamic marriage contract has conditions, requirements, pillars and optional elements. A contract must fulfill the following conditions and pillars in order to be valid.
Eligibility of Bride and Groom
The first of these conditions is that both the bride and groom must fulfill certain requirements. The groom must be a chaste Muslim having attained the age of puberty. He must not be related to the bride by any of the permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationships such as his sisters, paternal and maternal aunts, daughters, grand daughters and others. He must not be prohibited from marrying the bride for any of the temporary reasons stipulated in the Qur’an and Sunnah. So if a man has four wives, all other women become temporarily prohibited from him. Another example of a temporary reason is that as long as a man is married to a particular woman, all of her sisters become temporarily prohibited for him; that is he may not marry any of them unless he divorces their sister. Others include: women married to other men, simultaneously marrying aunts and their nieces, adulteresses and prostitutes that have not sincerely repented, including others in which the Islamic shari ‘a may have listed. The requirements a bride must fulfill is that she must be a chaste Muslim, Christian or Jew. She must not be married to another man, and must not be related to the groom by any of the permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationships in addition to not being prohibited from marrying the groom for any of the temporary reasons as stated above.
Bride’s Permission
The next required element of the marriage contract is the bride’s permission. Without her permission, the contract is either null and void, or may be invalidated by the Islamic authorities at the bride’s request. The minimum required permission may be done by either voicing her approval or through a passive expression such remaining silent when asked about a potential husband and simply nodding her head, or making any other motion to indicate that she does not object to the marriage. The Prophet (saws) said: “A deflowered unmarried woman (i.e. widow or divorcee) may not be married without her instructions; and a virgin may not be married without her permission, and her silence indicates her consent.”4
The Woman’s Wali
The next requirement of for a valid contract is the approval of the woman’s guardian known as the wali. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali.”5 Normally, a woman’s wali is her father. If, for any reason, her father is unable to be her wali, her wali would then be her next closest blood relation: the grandfather, uncle, brother, son and so on. It is not permissible for a woman to take another woman as her wali. The Prophet (saws) said: “A woman may not give another woman in marriage, nor may a woman give herself (independently) in marriage.”6 If the bride does not have a Muslim blood-relative as a wali, the Islamic authority, represented by the ruler or judge, would appoint a wali for her. In non-Muslim communities the local imam is the one to be appointed as the wali of a woman who has no wali. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali. And the authority is the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”7 The presence of the wali or a representative he has appointed is an integral element of the contract or else the contract is deemed invalid. The Prophet (saws) said: “Whichever woman marries without her wali’s permission, her marriage is void, her marriage is void, her marriage is void. If he (i.e. the husband) performs intercourse with her, the mahr (dowry) becomes her right because he had access to her private parts. And if they dispute, the ruler would then be the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”8
The witnesses
Another condition for the validity of a marriage contract is the presence of at least two trustworthy Muslim male witnesses. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “A marriage is not valid without a wali and two trustworthy witnesses.”9
The Mahr (Dowry)
The next element of the marriage contract is a mandatory marriage gift given by the husband to his wife. In Arabic, this gift is called mahr or sadaaq. Allah Most High said: “And give the women their dowry as a free gift.”10 He also made a commandment regarding by saying: “And give them their compensation as an obligation.”11 The mahr is the sole right of the wife and no one may take any of it without her permission – not even her parents. The dowry can be in the form of money, jewelry, clothing, or other material things. It can also be a non-material gift. The Islamic sharia has not specified any amount, but it should be in accordance with the husband’s financial ability and with what is reasonable for the bride in her social status. It is normally determined by agreement between the husband and the bride or her wali. A woman came to the Prophet (saws) and offered herself to him. He declined, so a man who was present with him said: “O Messenger of Allah! Marry her to me.” The Prophet asked him: “Do you have anything to give her?” He said: “No!” The Prophet (saws) said: “Give her at least an iron ring.” But he still could not afford it. The Prophet (saws) then asked him: “Do you memorise any portion of the Qur’an?” He replied: “I have memorised such and such chapters.” The Prophet (saws) then said: “…I marry her to you for the portion of the Qur’an that you have memorised.” This means that he is expected to teach her some of what he has memorised, and treat her kindly based on this memorisation. All of that would be much more beneficial to the bride than lots of material gift. Know that the best of dowry is that which is light and easiest upon the husband. This is actually a sign of blessing for the bride as the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “Verily, a sign of blessing for a woman is that her engagement, dowry, and giving birth, are all made easy.”12 Umar ibn al-Khataab (r.a) once gave a sermon in which he said: “Do not be excessive in regard to the women’s dowries.” It is recommended to give the bride her dowry immediately after executing the marriage contract. Yet, it is a very common practice to divide the mahr into two portions, an advanced and postponed portion. Postponement of the mahr is, in general, an innovated inconvenience that departs from the normal practice found in the Sunnah. It defeats the very purpose, which is to be a gift prior to having any intimacy with the bride.
Conditions
At the time of carrying out the marriage contract, the two parties my wish to set conditions whose violation would invalidate the contract. This is acceptable as long as the conditions do not violate any Islamic principles. Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “Every condition not according to the book of Allah is void, even if it be a hundred conditions.”13 An example of a condition may be that a woman stipulates that she remain in a particular homeland during their marriage. The conditions are normally set by the wife’s side, because the husband can terminate the marriage by uttering the divorce.
Carrying out the Contract
It is recommended for the person conducting the marriage ceremony to start with Khutbat-ul Haajah that was reported by Ibn Masoud and Jabir in at-Tabaraani and Bukhari in At-Taareekh. The main and actual pillars of the contract are the offering and acceptance known as Ijaab and qabool. They signify the mutual agreement and acceptance between the two parties to join in this marriage bond. The Ijaab and qabool must be stated in clear, well defined words, in one and the same sitting, and in the presence of the witnesses. The person conducting the ceremony may help the two parties say offering and accepting words. Documenting the marriage contract is not a requirement for the contract’s validty. However, it is important to document it for future reference and to preserve the rights of the husband and wife. Once the marriage contract is executed, all rights and responsibilities for the two parties become immediately due.
We ask Allah to bless us with beneficial knowledge and cure us from the ailment of ignorance and blind following, and Allah knows best!
1. An-Noor, 24: 32
2. Surat Ar-Room
3. Sunan At-Tirmidhi – its chain is verified to be hasan by al-Albaani
4. Bukhari & Muslim
5. Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi, and others – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
6. Ibn Majah, al-Bayhaqi and others – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
7. Ahmad and Abu Dawud – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
8. Ahmad and Abu Dawud – verified to be authentic by al-Albaani
9. Ahmad, Ibn Hibbaan, and others – Authentic according to al-Albaani
10. Surat an-Nisaa, 4:4
11. Surat an-Nisaa, 4:24
12. Ahmad, al-Haakim, and others –its chain is hasan according to al-Albaani
13. Bukhari & Muslim
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Choosing The Desired Wife
By: Ibrahim Abu Khalid
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.
When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (saws) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.
As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (saws) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.
Who to Marry
Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (saws) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.
In another hadith, the Prophet (saws) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (saws), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard' "[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (saws), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (saws) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah (saws) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (saws) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds". Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.
Qualities of the Pious Women
Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.
The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.
"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"
[Qur'an 24:26]
"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard" [Qur'an 4:34]
"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast.."
[Qur'an 66:5]
And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities, which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:
-a Muslim woman
-a believing woman
-a devout woman
-a true woman
-a woman who is patient and constant
-a woman who humbles herself
-a woman who gives charity
-a woman who fasts and denies herself
-a woman who guards her chastity
-a woman who engages much in Allah's praise
Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43]. Another was the wife of Pharaoh:
"And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden'."
[Qur'an 66:11]
The Prophet (saws) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (saws), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her."
Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either.
Knowing Who She Is
To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends".
Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones.
Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.
Trust in Allah
We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.
Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.
Islam is likened to being as a house and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.
It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (saws) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (saws) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.
Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.
The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.
The Prophet (saws) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.
The Prophet (saws) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out' ".
Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.
When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us:
"For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them."
[Qur'an 7:189]
Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say:
"Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous."
[Qur'an al-Furqan 74]
I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says:
"Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him."
[Qur'an 3:159]
May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.
"When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way" [Qur'an:186]
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.
When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (saws) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.
As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (saws) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.
Who to Marry
Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (saws) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.
In another hadith, the Prophet (saws) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (saws), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard' "[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (saws), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (saws) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah (saws) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (saws) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds". Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.
Qualities of the Pious Women
Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.
The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.
"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"
[Qur'an 24:26]
"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard" [Qur'an 4:34]
"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast.."
[Qur'an 66:5]
And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities, which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:
-a Muslim woman
-a believing woman
-a devout woman
-a true woman
-a woman who is patient and constant
-a woman who humbles herself
-a woman who gives charity
-a woman who fasts and denies herself
-a woman who guards her chastity
-a woman who engages much in Allah's praise
Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43]. Another was the wife of Pharaoh:
"And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden'."
[Qur'an 66:11]
The Prophet (saws) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (saws), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her."
Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either.
Knowing Who She Is
To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends".
Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones.
Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.
Trust in Allah
We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.
Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.
Islam is likened to being as a house and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.
It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (saws) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (saws) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.
Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.
The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.
The Prophet (saws) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.
The Prophet (saws) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out' ".
Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.
When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us:
"For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them."
[Qur'an 7:189]
Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say:
"Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous."
[Qur'an al-Furqan 74]
I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says:
"Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him."
[Qur'an 3:159]
May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.
"When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way" [Qur'an:186]
Men are the Protectors and Maintainers of Women
by Salmaan ibn Fahd al-‘Awdah
Allah says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
[Sûrah an-Nisâ’: 34]
What does it mean that men are “protectors and maintainers” of women? To answer this question, let us first look at the Arabic word that we are translating as “protectors and maintainers”. This word is “qawwâmûn” the plural of “qawwâm”.
This word – qawwâm – in turn, is an emphatic form of the word “qayyim”, which means a person who manages the affairs of others. The qayyim of a people is the one who governs their affairs and steers their course. Likewise, the qayyim of a woman is either her husband or her guardian – the one who has to look after her and ensure that her needs are met.
When Allah says: “Men are the qawwâmûn of women…” it means – and Allah knows best – that men are held liable for handling the affairs of women and are responsible for the women under their care. A husband, therefore, has the responsibility of taking care of his wife, protecting her, defending her honor, and fulfilling her needs regarding her religion and her worldly life. It does not mean – as all too many people have falsely assumed – that he has the right to behave obstinately towards her, compel her, subject her to his will, suppress her individuality, and thus heinously negate her identity.
His status as protector and maintainer is pure responsibility, pure liability, and not so much a position of authority. It requires from him that he uses his good sense, thinks carefully about what he does, and exercises patience. It means that he cannot be hasty and offhanded in his decisions. It does not mean that he can disregard his wife’s opinions and belittle her good person.
Why does Islam make men the protectors and maintainers of women?
The verse gives us two reasons why men are given this burden to shoulder. Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other…” and “…because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
A problem arises when it is said that men have a preference to women. Then we see all those organizations, establishments, and activists who call to women’s equality stirring into motion, jumping up ready to fight over this point, and going off on all kinds of tangents in their thinking. Rather, they should pause long enough to properly understand what it means when Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other …” This proper understanding can only be had in the light of the Qur’ân and Sunnah and their sound application.
Those who go overboard in asserting the rights of women and claim that the woman in Islam is oppressed and that Islam does not do her justice are driven to the point where they transgress against the very texts of the Qur’ân and Sunnah. In the name of “equality”, they demand absolute uniformity in matters of inheritance, in governance, and in everything else wherein a distinction between the sexes is made, sometimes taking matters so far that it is the men who have to chase after the hope of equality with women.
This brings us back to the question of what the verse is saying. Is it indicating that there is some inherent preference of men over women, something that is built into their very natures? The scholars of Qur’ânic commentary have taken two approaches to this matter.
The first approach is to refer the matter of the verse back to the natural makeup of men and women, with respect to their intellects, their different manners of thinking, and their natural strengths. They found that men, by nature, are more hot-blooded, tending more towards strength and severity, while women’s natures are cooler, tending more towards gentleness and weakness.
The second approach is to look at it from a legal angle – that Allah has imposed upon men to pay dowries to the women they wish to marry and has made men liable to spend on women and provide for them. This is the preference that men have over them. Likewise, Allah has placed prophecy with men only, as there has never been a woman prophet. In the same way, Allah has made the offices of supreme political authority and the obligations of jihad the exclusive domain of men.
The issue of testimony is also brought up in this regard, for Allah says:
“And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if there are not two men available, then a man and two women from those whom you accept as witnesses – so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her.”
[Sûrah al-Baqarah: 282]
Others using this approach have cited certain acts of worship, like the fact that the Friday prayer and congregational prayers are prescribed only for men and not made compulsory on women.
The fact that men can have four wives while women cannot have more than one husband, or the fact that men have the exclusive option of immediate divorce have also been advanced as an interpretations.
With respect to both of these approaches, there are two observations that we can make:
The first is that the followers of both approaches agree on a preference of men over woman on the basis of Allah’s words: “…because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
The second is that the opinions of the commentators regarding whether or not the preferentiality refers to the natures of men and women is all based on their discretionary opinions (ijtihâd) with respect to their understanding of the verse. In any event, it would be fair to say that Allah has indeed singled out men for certain distinctions – prophethood, supreme political office, jihad, and military service, among other things – and this is because men have a nature different than that of women. This is a conclusion that all reasonable people would have to agree upon. The obligation imposed upon men by Islam to protect and maintain women should be seen in the context of the difference in their natural makeup and that the purpose for this is to secure the best interests of women.
Allah’s laws always accord with nature and take into consideration the unique gifts that Allah has bestowed upon each half that makes up the human whole – the man and the woman, so that those gifts can be employed to their maximum effectiveness.
We must remain cognizant of the fact that both men and women are Allah’s creations. And that Allah would never oppress any of His creatures. He prepares each of His creations to the purpose that he intends for it and bestows upon it the innate abilities needed to carry out that purpose.
Allah has made it of the exclusive qualities of women that they fall pregnant, bear children, and nurse them. Therefore, she is by nature burdened with the care of what the union between a man and a woman brings about, and it is an immense responsibility. Not only is it a heavy responsibility, it is a critical one, not something that can be approached lightly, without the physical, mental, and emotional preparation that Allah has bestowed exclusively upon women.
On this basis, it is only just that Allah would burden the other half of humanity – the men – with the task of fulfilling the needs of those women and protecting them, and that He would bestow upon men the innate physical, mental, and emotional qualities that would allow them to excel in doing what is required of them. Moreover, he would require men to be financially liable for the women under his care, since this is a necessary consequence of the duties he has to carry out. These two elements are, essentially, what the verse is talking about.
It is interesting to point out that the examples given by the commentators who follow the legal approach – things like prophethood, supreme political office, military duty, and carrying out certain religious rites like the call to prayer and congregational worship – are merely consequential of the natural dispensation of men. The reason these duties are suited to men is because men are not otherwise preoccupied with domestic burdens that would prevent them from carrying them out.
Though prophethood, for instance, is an honor of the highest degree, it is by no means the cause of why men are the protectors and maintainers of women. The distinction of prophethood can neither be derived from these duties, nor is it remotely indicative of any general preference of men with regards to women. It is but a fact that all the prophets were men.
Likewise, when we look at religious duties like making the call to prayer, leading the prayers, and giving the Friday sermon, we must acknowledge that these duties were given to men by the decree of Islamic Law. In no way do they necessitate that men are distinguished with every other possible legal ruling. Had Allah instead delegated these religious duties to women, this would not in any way have prevented men from being burdened with their protection and maintenance.
I must reiterate the point that the protection and maintenance given to men over women in no way implies the denial of the woman’s identity, whether in the context of the home or her position in society at large. It is merely a role to be played by men within the family environment so that this important social institution can be properly managed, safeguarded, and upheld. The presence of a manager in a given institution does not negate or diminish the individuality or the rights of the others who share in it or of those who work for it. Islam has clearly defined what the protection and maintenance of women entails for men – the care and protection, the manners and behaviors, and all liabilities associated with it.
How the Prophet (r) put this duty into practice
The Prophet (r) was not an emperor who lorded over his family. When we look carefully at his life, we would find it the most eloquent testimony of what we have stated above – that a man’s protection and maintenance of women in no way entails obstinacy, compulsion, or subjugation. ‘Â’ishah said about her husband:
“When he was at home, he was totally involved in housework.”
He was very clement. One of his wives woke up in the middle of the night and discovered that the Prophet (r) was not beside her, though it was her night to have him with her. She tells us that she locked the door on him, thinking that he had gone to one of his other wives on her night. When he returned after a short while to find that she had locked him out of the house and asked her to open the door, she confronting him on why he had gone out. He calmly told her that he simply had needed to go to the bathroom.
On many occasions, his wives would argue with each other in his presence. He never got angry when they did. He always solved their problems with wisdom, gentleness, and sensitivity, never with harshness. This shows us what a man’s role as protector and maintainer of women is all about.
On one occasion, his wife Hafsah chided her co-wife Safiyyah by calling her “the daughter of a Jew”. This was true, because Safiyyah’s father, Hubayy b. Akhtab, was in fact a Jew who had died without ever accepting Islam. Still, such a comment was meant as a take on Safiyyah’s person, which was only more hurtful as it was coming from her co-wife. So when she heard what Hafsah had said, she started to cry.
The Prophet (r) then came in and asked her why she was crying. She said:
“Hafsah called me the daughter of a Jew.” To this the Prophet (r) replied: “Verily, you are the daughter of a Prophet, your uncle was also a Prophet, and you are the wife of a Prophet, so what does she have over you to boast about?” He then turned to Hafsah and said: “Fear Allah, O Hafsah.”
In an alternate narration, the Prophet is reported to have turned to Safiyyah and said: “Why didn’t you say: ‘So how can you be better than me? Muhammad is my husband. Aaron is my father, and Moses is my uncle.”
Safiyyah was a descendant of Aaron (r). So, when Hafsah insinuated that Safiyyah’s being the daughter of a Jew was something bad, the Prophet (r) showed Hafsah another way of looking at it: that Safiyyah was the descendant of Prophet Aaron and that her uncle was Moses, and that her husband was Muhammad (r), so there was no reason for her to be ashamed.
Anyone who would take the man’s status in Islam as the protector and maintainer of women and use it as a pretext to oppress women is committing a crime against Islam.
Islam has guaranteed women their rights as individuals, including their right to have and express their own opinions. The Sunnah is full of examples of this.
We have, for instance, where Khawlah bint Tha’labah complained to the Prophet (r) about her husband who foreswore ever again having sex with her by the old pagan custom of claiming her to be like the back of his mother, whereupon the following verse of the Qur’ân was revealed: “Allah has indeed heard the words of the woman who pleads with you concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah…” [Sûrah al-Mujâdlah: 1] followed by the verses abolishing that oppressive custom.
We can look at the case of Khansâ’, who’s father married her off with her disapproval, so the Prophet (r) had her marriage annulled.
In another instance, a young woman complained to ‘Â’ishah, saying:
“My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social status. However, I hate it.” When the Prophet (r) heard her complaint, he gave her the option of having the marriage annulled. She said: “O Messenger of Allah! I have accepted what my father has done. However, I wanted to know that women had a choice in the matter.”
Then we have the story of Burayrah and her husband Mughîth. Both of them were slaves. When she acquired her freedom, she had the legal right of staying with her husband who was still a slave, or of leaving him. She chose to leave him and he began following after her, crying for her to return to him. The Prophet (r) said to her:
“If only you would go back to him.” She asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Are you commanding me?” He said: “No. I am only pleading on his behalf.” She replied: “Then I have no use for him.”
On another occasion, a woman came to the Prophet (r), complaining that men are given the opportunities of military duty, congregational worship, and other things. The Prophet (r) let it be known that he was very pleased with her question and with her manner of address.
During the reign of the Caliph ‘Umar b. al-Khattâb, we have the story of a woman who rebuked him while he was on the pulpit about a decree he wished to make. To this, he said publicly: “ ‘Umar is mistaken and this woman is correct.”
We can go on citing examples of women’s right to speak their own minds, even before the heads of state, not to mention their husbands. From this, we should be able to keep the status of men as protectors and maintainers of women in the proper perspective.
Allah says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
[Sûrah an-Nisâ’: 34]
What does it mean that men are “protectors and maintainers” of women? To answer this question, let us first look at the Arabic word that we are translating as “protectors and maintainers”. This word is “qawwâmûn” the plural of “qawwâm”.
This word – qawwâm – in turn, is an emphatic form of the word “qayyim”, which means a person who manages the affairs of others. The qayyim of a people is the one who governs their affairs and steers their course. Likewise, the qayyim of a woman is either her husband or her guardian – the one who has to look after her and ensure that her needs are met.
When Allah says: “Men are the qawwâmûn of women…” it means – and Allah knows best – that men are held liable for handling the affairs of women and are responsible for the women under their care. A husband, therefore, has the responsibility of taking care of his wife, protecting her, defending her honor, and fulfilling her needs regarding her religion and her worldly life. It does not mean – as all too many people have falsely assumed – that he has the right to behave obstinately towards her, compel her, subject her to his will, suppress her individuality, and thus heinously negate her identity.
His status as protector and maintainer is pure responsibility, pure liability, and not so much a position of authority. It requires from him that he uses his good sense, thinks carefully about what he does, and exercises patience. It means that he cannot be hasty and offhanded in his decisions. It does not mean that he can disregard his wife’s opinions and belittle her good person.
Why does Islam make men the protectors and maintainers of women?
The verse gives us two reasons why men are given this burden to shoulder. Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other…” and “…because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
A problem arises when it is said that men have a preference to women. Then we see all those organizations, establishments, and activists who call to women’s equality stirring into motion, jumping up ready to fight over this point, and going off on all kinds of tangents in their thinking. Rather, they should pause long enough to properly understand what it means when Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other …” This proper understanding can only be had in the light of the Qur’ân and Sunnah and their sound application.
Those who go overboard in asserting the rights of women and claim that the woman in Islam is oppressed and that Islam does not do her justice are driven to the point where they transgress against the very texts of the Qur’ân and Sunnah. In the name of “equality”, they demand absolute uniformity in matters of inheritance, in governance, and in everything else wherein a distinction between the sexes is made, sometimes taking matters so far that it is the men who have to chase after the hope of equality with women.
This brings us back to the question of what the verse is saying. Is it indicating that there is some inherent preference of men over women, something that is built into their very natures? The scholars of Qur’ânic commentary have taken two approaches to this matter.
The first approach is to refer the matter of the verse back to the natural makeup of men and women, with respect to their intellects, their different manners of thinking, and their natural strengths. They found that men, by nature, are more hot-blooded, tending more towards strength and severity, while women’s natures are cooler, tending more towards gentleness and weakness.
The second approach is to look at it from a legal angle – that Allah has imposed upon men to pay dowries to the women they wish to marry and has made men liable to spend on women and provide for them. This is the preference that men have over them. Likewise, Allah has placed prophecy with men only, as there has never been a woman prophet. In the same way, Allah has made the offices of supreme political authority and the obligations of jihad the exclusive domain of men.
The issue of testimony is also brought up in this regard, for Allah says:
“And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if there are not two men available, then a man and two women from those whom you accept as witnesses – so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her.”
[Sûrah al-Baqarah: 282]
Others using this approach have cited certain acts of worship, like the fact that the Friday prayer and congregational prayers are prescribed only for men and not made compulsory on women.
The fact that men can have four wives while women cannot have more than one husband, or the fact that men have the exclusive option of immediate divorce have also been advanced as an interpretations.
With respect to both of these approaches, there are two observations that we can make:
The first is that the followers of both approaches agree on a preference of men over woman on the basis of Allah’s words: “…because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”
The second is that the opinions of the commentators regarding whether or not the preferentiality refers to the natures of men and women is all based on their discretionary opinions (ijtihâd) with respect to their understanding of the verse. In any event, it would be fair to say that Allah has indeed singled out men for certain distinctions – prophethood, supreme political office, jihad, and military service, among other things – and this is because men have a nature different than that of women. This is a conclusion that all reasonable people would have to agree upon. The obligation imposed upon men by Islam to protect and maintain women should be seen in the context of the difference in their natural makeup and that the purpose for this is to secure the best interests of women.
Allah’s laws always accord with nature and take into consideration the unique gifts that Allah has bestowed upon each half that makes up the human whole – the man and the woman, so that those gifts can be employed to their maximum effectiveness.
We must remain cognizant of the fact that both men and women are Allah’s creations. And that Allah would never oppress any of His creatures. He prepares each of His creations to the purpose that he intends for it and bestows upon it the innate abilities needed to carry out that purpose.
Allah has made it of the exclusive qualities of women that they fall pregnant, bear children, and nurse them. Therefore, she is by nature burdened with the care of what the union between a man and a woman brings about, and it is an immense responsibility. Not only is it a heavy responsibility, it is a critical one, not something that can be approached lightly, without the physical, mental, and emotional preparation that Allah has bestowed exclusively upon women.
On this basis, it is only just that Allah would burden the other half of humanity – the men – with the task of fulfilling the needs of those women and protecting them, and that He would bestow upon men the innate physical, mental, and emotional qualities that would allow them to excel in doing what is required of them. Moreover, he would require men to be financially liable for the women under his care, since this is a necessary consequence of the duties he has to carry out. These two elements are, essentially, what the verse is talking about.
It is interesting to point out that the examples given by the commentators who follow the legal approach – things like prophethood, supreme political office, military duty, and carrying out certain religious rites like the call to prayer and congregational worship – are merely consequential of the natural dispensation of men. The reason these duties are suited to men is because men are not otherwise preoccupied with domestic burdens that would prevent them from carrying them out.
Though prophethood, for instance, is an honor of the highest degree, it is by no means the cause of why men are the protectors and maintainers of women. The distinction of prophethood can neither be derived from these duties, nor is it remotely indicative of any general preference of men with regards to women. It is but a fact that all the prophets were men.
Likewise, when we look at religious duties like making the call to prayer, leading the prayers, and giving the Friday sermon, we must acknowledge that these duties were given to men by the decree of Islamic Law. In no way do they necessitate that men are distinguished with every other possible legal ruling. Had Allah instead delegated these religious duties to women, this would not in any way have prevented men from being burdened with their protection and maintenance.
I must reiterate the point that the protection and maintenance given to men over women in no way implies the denial of the woman’s identity, whether in the context of the home or her position in society at large. It is merely a role to be played by men within the family environment so that this important social institution can be properly managed, safeguarded, and upheld. The presence of a manager in a given institution does not negate or diminish the individuality or the rights of the others who share in it or of those who work for it. Islam has clearly defined what the protection and maintenance of women entails for men – the care and protection, the manners and behaviors, and all liabilities associated with it.
How the Prophet (r) put this duty into practice
The Prophet (r) was not an emperor who lorded over his family. When we look carefully at his life, we would find it the most eloquent testimony of what we have stated above – that a man’s protection and maintenance of women in no way entails obstinacy, compulsion, or subjugation. ‘Â’ishah said about her husband:
“When he was at home, he was totally involved in housework.”
He was very clement. One of his wives woke up in the middle of the night and discovered that the Prophet (r) was not beside her, though it was her night to have him with her. She tells us that she locked the door on him, thinking that he had gone to one of his other wives on her night. When he returned after a short while to find that she had locked him out of the house and asked her to open the door, she confronting him on why he had gone out. He calmly told her that he simply had needed to go to the bathroom.
On many occasions, his wives would argue with each other in his presence. He never got angry when they did. He always solved their problems with wisdom, gentleness, and sensitivity, never with harshness. This shows us what a man’s role as protector and maintainer of women is all about.
On one occasion, his wife Hafsah chided her co-wife Safiyyah by calling her “the daughter of a Jew”. This was true, because Safiyyah’s father, Hubayy b. Akhtab, was in fact a Jew who had died without ever accepting Islam. Still, such a comment was meant as a take on Safiyyah’s person, which was only more hurtful as it was coming from her co-wife. So when she heard what Hafsah had said, she started to cry.
The Prophet (r) then came in and asked her why she was crying. She said:
“Hafsah called me the daughter of a Jew.” To this the Prophet (r) replied: “Verily, you are the daughter of a Prophet, your uncle was also a Prophet, and you are the wife of a Prophet, so what does she have over you to boast about?” He then turned to Hafsah and said: “Fear Allah, O Hafsah.”
In an alternate narration, the Prophet is reported to have turned to Safiyyah and said: “Why didn’t you say: ‘So how can you be better than me? Muhammad is my husband. Aaron is my father, and Moses is my uncle.”
Safiyyah was a descendant of Aaron (r). So, when Hafsah insinuated that Safiyyah’s being the daughter of a Jew was something bad, the Prophet (r) showed Hafsah another way of looking at it: that Safiyyah was the descendant of Prophet Aaron and that her uncle was Moses, and that her husband was Muhammad (r), so there was no reason for her to be ashamed.
Anyone who would take the man’s status in Islam as the protector and maintainer of women and use it as a pretext to oppress women is committing a crime against Islam.
Islam has guaranteed women their rights as individuals, including their right to have and express their own opinions. The Sunnah is full of examples of this.
We have, for instance, where Khawlah bint Tha’labah complained to the Prophet (r) about her husband who foreswore ever again having sex with her by the old pagan custom of claiming her to be like the back of his mother, whereupon the following verse of the Qur’ân was revealed: “Allah has indeed heard the words of the woman who pleads with you concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah…” [Sûrah al-Mujâdlah: 1] followed by the verses abolishing that oppressive custom.
We can look at the case of Khansâ’, who’s father married her off with her disapproval, so the Prophet (r) had her marriage annulled.
In another instance, a young woman complained to ‘Â’ishah, saying:
“My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social status. However, I hate it.” When the Prophet (r) heard her complaint, he gave her the option of having the marriage annulled. She said: “O Messenger of Allah! I have accepted what my father has done. However, I wanted to know that women had a choice in the matter.”
Then we have the story of Burayrah and her husband Mughîth. Both of them were slaves. When she acquired her freedom, she had the legal right of staying with her husband who was still a slave, or of leaving him. She chose to leave him and he began following after her, crying for her to return to him. The Prophet (r) said to her:
“If only you would go back to him.” She asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Are you commanding me?” He said: “No. I am only pleading on his behalf.” She replied: “Then I have no use for him.”
On another occasion, a woman came to the Prophet (r), complaining that men are given the opportunities of military duty, congregational worship, and other things. The Prophet (r) let it be known that he was very pleased with her question and with her manner of address.
During the reign of the Caliph ‘Umar b. al-Khattâb, we have the story of a woman who rebuked him while he was on the pulpit about a decree he wished to make. To this, he said publicly: “ ‘Umar is mistaken and this woman is correct.”
We can go on citing examples of women’s right to speak their own minds, even before the heads of state, not to mention their husbands. From this, we should be able to keep the status of men as protectors and maintainers of women in the proper perspective.
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